Counting my Blessings, not my Problems

I've debated whether or not to share this, but as always, this is my little piece of the world...where I share what I feel like sharing, and if you don't like it, don't read it.  But I always, always, always, feel better writing it all out....

If you asked me a few days ago what I'd be blogging about, I am certain I would say something along the lines of, "Oh, ya know...my birthday.. Celebrations. Gifts. Good times with friends and family." And while all of that and more happened, the only thing that comes out right now, is that on my birthday, I found out that I have brain cysts.

Yeah.

What does that even mean?  I couldn't even tell you, if I knew.

I'll rewind.

Remember back in March where I was feeling all down about myself and developed a ringing in my ear?  [I wrote all about it here]  Well, since then, I have seen an audiologist, an ENT (twice) and now I have had an MRI.  The audiologist tested my hearing and concluded I had hearing loss in my right ear.  Which is odd, because I only have a ringing in my left ear.  She referred me to an ENT who evaluated me in April.  She said it did not appear that I had any 'brain issues' to worry about, by running a few quick tests on me.  {Me following her finger with my eyes, walking a straight line...really silly simple things.} Since I was full on nursing at the time, she said it'd be best to come back in July if I still have my ringing.  If that's the case, or if it gets worse {dizzy spells/vertigo/hearing loss} then I could get an MRI.  **Knowing this, is the main reason I chose to slowly switch to formula, and stop nursing...**

Well, July 17 came.  I showed up at the ENT office, on a 90+ day and their AC wasn't working. Sweet.  I had my hearing tested again, and it still showed the hearing loss in the right ear, and that I have trouble hearing high pitched sounds.  Again, the Dr ran through a series of little tests, following her finger with my eyes, checking my glands to see if they were swollen.  She said I appeared totally fine and she really did not see any reason to get an MRI.  She even said that there was a less than 1% chance of them finding anything, so really I don't need one....

Those words ring LOUDER in my ear, than this damn buzzing noise I hear.

Less than one percent.

I looked right at the Dr, and I told her if my insurance covers it, in full, that is one percent chance that I am not willing to take.  Looking over at my daughter, my beautiful baby girl, I pointed and said, "I won't be taking chances and I just need peace of mind."  She said ok, and I will order you an MRI.

I scheduled it for the following week.  Tuesday July 23, at 5:45 I went in to have an MRI.  I tried to stay cool, calm and not freak out.

Have you ever had an MRI? 

They're freaky.  This huuuuge long tube, your head goes into...they place this weird grate thing over your face, all of it is just so sci-fi.  I took a few deep breaths and just kept telling myself, it was all okay and that I just needed this for peace of mind.

After 25 minutes or so, and a million loud banging noises later, they slid me out and the tech gave me an injection in my arm for the contrast dye.  Back inside I went, with more banging, clanging noises, for another 15 minutes.  When that was through, and I sat up and got ready to leave, the way the tech said to me, "So, do you have an appointment set up to talk about the results with your doctor?"  I looked at him and got that weird feeling, like, yup.  He saw something.   "She's just going to call me..."

The Dr. called the very next day, but I wasn't home.  We have a home phone that I keep giving out because sometimes I don't like the cell phone ringing a million times a day when I'm out and about.  Well, I'm kind of glad I did miss that call because I was having a fantastic day with my girlfriend Kristin.  We were at the mall, shopping, dining, just being girls.  But I'll admit, hearing the Dr say, "I'll try back another time." on my answering machine freaked me right out.  Plus, in my experience with Doctors, 'no news is good news.'  I always have to call just to hear them say everything is fine.  I called them the next day and gave them my cell phone.

On July 25, the day of my 32nd birthday I was visiting my husband's grandmother and my mother-in-law at a Senior center.  They were working on quilts.  We had a nice little lunch together, and as if on cue, on the way back to my car, the phone rang.  She told me that there was no tumor {Thank the Lord} however, they did see some cysts, so I would be referred to a neurologist and need to take it from there...oh yeah, Happy Freaking Birthday to me!?

These cysts may or may not be causing my tinnitus (ringing) or slight vertigo or hearing loss. I really know nothing at this point.  I try to just stay calm, and realize that it could be much worse. I don't have cancer. I don't have a tumor.  But, I do have these shitty little cransters up in my brain that will need a little bit more investigation.  I go August 5th at 2pm to meet with a Neurologist.  I'd be lying to say if I wasn't a little scared.  I don't think anyone would like hearing that they have brain cysts...the brain seems to me the most valuable part of our body, and so very important.  Not that an ovary isn't, but I feel like it'd be easier to digest.  The whole brain thing freaks me right out!!

So, I'm trying to stay off of Mr. Google. I'm trying to eat the right foods and get enough sleep and stay away from too much caffeine....but until I know more, this being in limbo, kind of sucks.  I know things could be way worse, and I thank God that it's me and not Brooke with this issue.  Maybe I've always had these stupid things.  Maybe they are very common and it's not a big deal.  I don't want a pity party or any sympathy, but positive thoughts are always welcomed my way.

I'm a strong, tough, determined woman and I will do everything in my power to live a long, healthy, happy life.  I have a beautiful little baby girl who needs her mama, through every tumble, broken heart, backstabbing friendship, first bicycle ride,  A+ on a report card, driving lessons, college classes, boyfriends, dance competitions, family of her own...I will be that silly old lady who wears too much makeup and has cocktail happy hour every day at 4.  I just have to get through some of this (heavy) crap first.

It really does put everything into perspective.  You really never know what each day will bring you, so  please do all that you wish to do, right now.   There is no sense in waiting.

Make each day truly count...and count every little blessing.