Being a Mom to Littles

It hit me last night, like a ton of bricks.  As I lay in bed, thinking about the day's activities and such, my mind began to wander.  I started to brainstorm ideas for my Christmas gifts; ones that would be fun to play with the kids like a silly board game.  I thought how Bradley is getting old enough to listen and possibly take direction.  I weighed the logistics of how often we'd play the game during the week, since Brooke is in school 3 days a week---and my mind went there.

It went to September 2018, where our little girl will be getting on a school bus and riding off to Kindergarten.  It seemed so far off up until this moment in my mind and I burst into tears.

Babies don't keep, this I know.

My littlest just transitioned from his crib to a toddler bed.  {Joe removed the big rail and replaced it with the small.} In an instant, it feels like my days of being a mom to littles is nearing an end.

I know I still have two full years of Bradley in preschool and the rest of this year, but wow---what a shot to the heart!  In the trenches, I always say, sometimes it is super hard.  The days where Joe works long hours and I felt like I never talked to anyone other than baby babble?  Gone.

I have two blonde cuties who can both talk my ears right off any given day!

I have an almost 5 year old who dresses herself.

Brushes her teeth.

Helps with chores.

Buckles herself up in the car.

Helps herself to water if she's thirsty.



But as much as I get choked up at thinking of how all the "babyness" is gone from my house, my heart lights up as I began talking about Christmas cookies and all the cut-outs we wanted to make.  And in those moments I saw her eyes light up so big, and I realize that this too is a gift, this time of innocence, curiosity and wonder.

I suppose this is all normal, just the typical feeling mommas get as their babies grow into toddlers, into preschoolers, and into kids.

I'm savoring each sweet step and just wishing I could bottle the feelings and emotions right up!  In a sense however, I feel as if I already do.

This time of year I reflect on when I was pregnant, preparing for my January babies.  All it takes is a scent, or a sight and I am taken right back to when it was all so new and strange.

That's the thing about memories, they can creep right up when you least expect them.  They can bring tears of joy or a twinge of sadness.

Did I spend enough time loving on them? Teaching them? Holding them? Kissing their little heads? Letting them "help" me, even when I know it will be a bigger mess?


I vow to myself to soak up every last moment of these days with Brooke until we set her free in the land of full day school.  I know she'll thrive and flourish.  She's so eager to learn, to play, to become more.



But for now, I'll let her play and cuddle and be that little skunk or cat that she wishes to be.

Motherhood is such a beautifully strange journey and sometimes there are no words to truly describe how I feel.  I just know that I love these two little souls that the love of my life and I created, more than anything in the world.  Although it is not easy at times, it certainly deserves my time and attention.

They won't be little for long, and I already miss it.  I know that I will miss this stage too.

Mother's Day 2017

I hope that everyone had a nice day yesterday!  Hubby was so sweet and made 'my breakfast' of spinach, eggs, tomatoes & feta. I even had a little mimosa to start the day!

We relaxed and took it easy; Joe decided it was time for the kids to have a Power Wheels.  We hit up the sidewalks and headed out to the back parking lot.  Maiden Voyage!

Here he tried to make it go faster, aka 5 miles an hour. Neither kid liked it!

They love 'balancing' on this log.

He's getting so big.

Behind the scenes, #momlife

I wanted to get a few photos of just the kids and I...

I just love her little grin.

Thanks for the photobomb dad!

"Girls Rule, Boys Drool."

I think I got a few good ones for my mother in law to print off for me haha!

Of course I may have ended with one more little glass of bubbly.

Cheers to all of you who work your tail off each and every day.  You put everyone else before yourself, take pride in washing, folding, putting away little pajamas. You clean up countless crumbs and wash off never-ending sticky surfaces.  You still find time to love your husband and be a good friend.  You shower at 4pm and sometimes forget how nice jeans feel. Cheers to being awesome; no matter what season you're in, I am sure that #momlife is no easy task, but once you're living it, you'd never go back.  I'm not going to lie; I got quite emotional looking back at newborn photos wondering where on earth these last 2 & 4 years have gone.  Being a mother has certainly challenged me, changed me and for sure has made me a better human being.  Such a special task that should never be taken too lightly.

We ended the day with Joe's ribs & grilled asparagus. I also had him grill me up some chicken breasts to eat for lunch all week!

For dessert I made this Tastefully Simple sugar cookie wafter thing---I dont know but it was SO GOOD.  Joe wanted to put ice cream & fruit in it.

I was "SORT OF" healthy with some greek yogurt and fruit...omg. Addicting!

How did you celebrate Mother's Day?

Thoughts from the Weekend

Get ready for a random, all over the place post. LOL!

It was a nice weekend to have Joe home.  We were thinking of going away for the weekend with the kids or getting out and doing something fun, but that just didn't work out. Baby boy is still feeling not quite himself and I got hit the hardest Friday.  My whole head was congested and as much as I tried to keep up with "mom life" it got the best of me. I rested a lot and fell asleep at 8:30 Friday night.

Joe grabbed us sushi Friday evening and so Saturday I had left over Miso soup, juice and water for lunch.  I LOVE FOOD so when I had no appetite, I knew I was sick.  I am grateful for solid vitamins and lots rest, as I think it could have been much worse.  Thank goodness it was not!

I think my daily dose of positivity and green tea help too.  Sunday I was able to get out for a few hours and check out some goods at Mashalls and Target.  I may have stopped at Express too.

Totally random, but I saw this photo on my phone...April 1st you'll see these two fools tearing it up at the Ugly Disco.  We cannot wait!!  This was back in 2012...pre kids.  I am hoping I feel my very best this year!

This was a solid read!! Sorry about the language and if you're offended, than don't bother, because he probably drops the F bomb like 50+ times.  I think his message was pretty good and I know that I give WAAAAAAY too many effs about unimportant things.  I'm working on that.

Have you signed up for #thegirlfriendproject yet?!  Sign ups are open until the end of March.  You will be paired up with another lady for the month of April.  We will be "Showering each other with kindness!"

Link is here:#TheGirlfriendProject

A look at my first box from my partner Lindsay!

Thursday night I did whip up some asparagus wrapped in prosciutto.  No one was really hungry, but it was tasty nonetheless.  At least I tried?

Back track to last Wednesday it was almost 70 degrees and we had so much fun playing outside.  (I think this was when we were feeling better, and then bam, the next day baby boy got hit hard again.)

Seriously my life has been in this spot all last week.   I hate seeing my kids sick; it's so hard! Hopefully we will be on the mend this week and kick these germs to the side.

That's about all I have. I've been doing some workouts I'll be sharing and I am thinking of doing an actual "February Favorites" post, if I can find the time.

My biggest struggle is that I want to do everything, but when you try to do it all, you are not very good at it.  So, I'm trying my hardest to focus and put forth energy on things that will be really well developed and good.

I also just signed up for a virtual book club and I am excited to hold myself accountable to that.

I just need to keep laughing, keep breathing, keep loving and enjoying the small moments of life.

I rush around and then try to relax...

I find myself dwelling on little petty things that annoy me or the not so great parts of me.

I need to really stop being so hard on myself and love myself where I am.

I am terrible at the comparison game lately.

Do you know what I mean?  Where you start noticing every crumb on your just cleaned carpet?

Every wrinkle on your face?

Every mistake you make?

It's a stupid slippery slope and I want to get off of it!

I listened to Joel Olsteen's message yesterday in the shower and it spoke to me about being happy. Finding the laughs, and smiles and enjoying life is why God put us here. We are not here to be miserable or feel less than.

I will put that in the forefront of my mind this week as I work hard on healing ourselves and enjoying March. 

True Colors

February break came at the perfect time this year; the sun came out, the weather warmed a bit and the kids had so much fun on play dates.  

We got outside, we went out for lunch, visited friends and Brooke even had a sleepover with her cousin.  

Of course with that came germs and so the last few days have been a little, um, trying?  I keep reminding myself that they're not throwing up, so it could be worse!! I also remind myself that they're only little once and even though 24-48 hours with one sick kid, let alone 2, seems like an eternity, they will get better, the house will get cleaned and life will resume as normal, hopefully sooner than later! 

For now it's been cuddling, wiping noses, drying tears, watching Trolls on repeat, and trying to get them to eat something other than popsicles, pudding and jello.  Thank goodness for Blue Hawaiian Punch that hides the flavor of Advil so well.   

I was able to sneak in a quick 20 minutes to shower and get dressed yesterday and then Bradley was up.  The only way I was able to make the bed was when they watched Trolls, but even then he climbed back up the stairs and said, "Mommmm cuddle pweeease."  It's pretty hard to resist that request.  

I've been listening to him whine, "Mommy I so sad," which I think he means sick, but he's probably said that over 100 times, no joke.  

We watched so much TV the last few days my mind is mush, but what else can you do when they're this little and don't feel well?  

Motherhood is a funny thing; we yearn for time away, to not be clung to, hung on, snotty noses wiped on....and yet as soon as we are away, it takes all of us not to rush right back and have them in our arms.

I so badly miss when they were little at times, and yet I love the ages that they are at.  However, I catch myself daydreaming of when they're a little bigger and all of the fun traveling, exciting activities and grown up kid stuff we'll endure.

We watched the movie Collateral Beauty Sunday night, after the kids went to bed and we were just exhausted.  The fire was going and we sat there in silence, taking in the movie.  Love. Time. Death.  It was quite a bit heavier than I anticipated, and yet it was just what we needed to watch.  We're never promised tomorrow and love certainly does make this world go around.  And death? It's a sure thing, it's just that we don't know when.  

So as hard or trying as some days can be, and boy there can be some doozies!  Just take time and reflect on what brings you joy; what good is in your life and what are you excited about tomorrow?

I was writing in my Style Boss Happiness Planner that I earned with stella & dot and every day you're to write down what you're excited about.  Well, the days where I had a date night planned or a fun play date with the kids, those were easy to see what I was excited about!  

But what about on a Monday where one has a fever of 101 and the other is coughing and just not quite herself?  What can I possibly be excited about??  And that is where my mental attitude needed to shift. I needed to start looking for something to be excited about every day, especially the normal mundane Mondays, because that's what life is mostly made up of.  The fancy date nights and super fun play dates are not the every day.  That's what makes them so exciting.  I realize that I can be excited that I get to be the one taking care of these sick babes and I don't have to call in to anyone and explain my absence. 

I get to make homemade 'magic healing soup' for us on a whim.

I get to see my husband in the middle of the day to feed him a quick lunch.

I get to give my babes my (mostly) undivided attention and have no other work I "have to do."

I get to love on them, bathe them, read them stories, cuddle them, and love them. 

I get to be their mommy. 

That alone should excite me every stinking day.

As we tried to get Brooke to eat her breakfast and Bradley sat crying in his chair and then crying on the couch, "I'm so sad," Joe and I wished each other good luck.  He's got his end of the month today, which means his early night of 5pm will not be happening and he'll probably be lucky to get home before 11.  He knows I'll be a single spouse for the day into the night, again.  I woke up with a runny nose and sore throat myself, so I could use a little luck.  Hopefully some rest, tea and fresh juices will kick it. 

He then sent me a song after he dropped Brooke at preschool.

If you haven't watched Trolls, I'm not sure what you're waiting for. Don't wait to have kids, just go rent it yourself!!  My favorite part is this one and I tear up every time I see it.  

My favorite quote, 

"Happiness isn’t something you put inside, it’s already there. Sometimes you just need someone to help you find it."

Happy Tuesday sweet friends!

You are a #girlboss

I've been going a mile a minute lately and there seems to be no stopping it now!! I'm constantly trying to find a consistent flow of my energy; I certainly played the victim a bit on Monday and compared myself to others...never good to do!!

I try to set reasonable goals, but man it's tough to get everything done alone! I do sometimes wish I had an assistant.  (Other than two curly hair cutie pies that follow me around all day!) But, I'm working with what I've got and I decided today, I'm going to literally write out my "done" lists.  Yup.  I need to stop and smell some essential oils and breathe.  I never give myself enough credit or toot my own horn, because, well? I don't want to be arrogant.  I don't want to become cocky.  But I think sometimes I go so far the other way and don't really see all that I do. So Jenn, when you're feeling down and like you don't do "enough" or aren't "where you think you should be" this blog post is for you.

You wake up every morning and walk the dog.

You iron Joe's clothes.

Bacon, eggs, juice, waffles etc.

You fuel yourself with clean foods and sip on green tea.

You are home with your children.

You wipe their noses, change their diapers, wash their hands and love them through every stinky second.

You fit in workouts when you can.

You get 5 million snacks out for the kids.

You clean all of the crumbs.

You wipe the floor down 3+ times a day.

You do all of the dishes, laundry, and cleaning. (no more house cleaner)

You do all of the grocery shopping.

The errand running, grabbing rent checks, depositing them, and keeping track of who paid etc. is mostly done by you.

You read books to the kids.

You count with the kids.

You listen to self-development books every day.

You play with playdough and paw patrol more times than you can count.

You've kissed sore bumped heads, broken up fights and made the littles smile so big, it hurts your heart.

Snuggling to sesame street after a boo boo happens.

You give the dog water all day long... ps buy a bigger dish!

You make lunches, and more snacks.

You clean up more messes.

You make a dinner that kids won't eat, and make more pbjs than you'd like to admit.

You give bath time and cut nails, and sing songs and read more books.

You cuddle and kiss and soothe.

You stay up and make a warm meal for your husband who works late into the evenings.

You hop online and do trunk shows.

You step outside of your comfort zone and try new things: hello juice cleanse.

You go to yoga classes.

You go to friends' houses to set up trunk shows and share the love of fashion with others.

You help other women feel confident and stylish when assisting them with their accessories.

You've helped others feel good with text messages, voice messages and shoutouts.

You alone are the sole person for your sister. 

You take her to meetings, you help her with things she needs help with and you make time for what is important.

You spend time with loved ones and celebrate birthdays.

You are the office manager for Fave Properties.

You're THE organizer. 

Your marriage is stronger than ever.

You're in better physical shape than before kids.

You're in a better emotional state than ever before.

You're strong. 

You're a tremendous role model for Brooke and setting a good example of what type of woman you'd like Bradley to fall in love with one day.

If that doesn't scream #girlboss I don't know what would.  Stop being so hard on yourself and give yourself some credit!!

You do all of these things, so that your husband can work his crazy long hours and provide monetarily for you and your family.  The more you keep everything else together, the better he can perform at work.  You're a team and you are a damn good one.

There are days when you want to stay in bed and read all day or lounge and be lazy, but you have big dreams, huge goals and lots of life to live. NEVER SETTLE.

So while you may not be able to say you've financially supported the family nearly as much as your husband, you are the one that keeps this family together. You make this house a home, create a loving and safe place for friends and family to be together.  Your two year old may not be eating as many vegetables as you'd like or as much protein, but he's healthy and thriving. 

So if you're struggling with a negative voice that won't quit, tell it to shut up and list all of your attributes.  What are all of the things you do well that give you your best life?

PS I totally thought about not posting this, but you know what? If this helps one other woman feel more confident in herself, and stop feeling bad about what she isn't or doesn't do, then I feel like I've done a little bit of good.  Plus I feel better now. xo

Top 5 Tips to Enjoy this Season

Whether you're single or married, have children or don't, this time of year can be absolutely crazy!!  I know that when I'm not careful, I get so stressed out over little things and end up not enjoying the moments.  I've been making it my intention this December to not let myself get too caught up in 'everything else,' and to really be happy amongst the chaos.  It is so important that I enjoy this season of our little kids and the season itself.  I want to create positive and happy memories for our children, not having them remember how frantic mommy was this time of year.  For me, having one in preschool was a game changer.  My loosey goosey schedule is a thing of the past and we now have to work in a few outside activities.   I quickly got myself together and figured out ways to keep happy.

Here are my top five ways I am keeping my cool this Christmas season.



1.  Plan Ahead.

It's a must.  I wish I had planned out my meals for the whole month like my friend Cathy, but if you can't plan monthly then at least do it weekly.  I also am trying to get better about looking at my day ahead, so that I am not totally blindsided (like I was last week!)  What can you plan ahead?  Date nights, shopping trips, menus, "down time/family time"--yes, schedule it in, holiday parties, school functions, workouts, grocery store runs, time to wrap presents.  The more you map out what is left to do and when you'll be able to do it, it's so much easier.  My problem is that I have my phone, my day planner and the family fridge calendar.  I have to get better at making sure all 3 are lined up.  I tend to remember things more if I actually write them, so that is why I refuse to give up my written calendars.  "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."

2. Stay present.

When I start getting all uppity and such, I realize I need to focus: family, faith, friends.  Maybe that means putting down my phone and picking up the big camera.  Take some good photos of the kids this size.  Or maybe it means put away all cameras and just be there, playing, singing, laughing, eating, whatever with them.   We didn't take a single photo of us decorating the tree; in a way I was sad, but I am actually happy that we all enjoyed that time together so much, a photo was forgotten to be had.  Don't allow yourself to worry about what is to happen; the cookies will get made, the toys will be wrapped, the shopping we get done.  Just breathe in the moment.   Don't let yourself slip down what should have happened either, that's not going to change or fix anything.  Just focusing on where you are at and being happy, will help you de-stress instantly.

3.) Ignore the noise.

What noise am I talking about?  Well there is the adorable noise of the kids trying to sing/scream all the Christmas songs, (I usually try to applaud from the next room over!) but I'm talking about that extra noise.  The noise of others who don't intentionally make you feel bad, but after seeing all of their perfect holiday cards, it makes you think twice about your cheesy iphone one.  The girl on FB who always gets to wear gowns and looks like a movie star every weekend at holiday soirees.  The mom with six kids whose house is always neat as if she has a maid.  The younger friend who is out having fabulous cocktails with all of her friends.  The Martha Stewart on instagram who bakes and coordinates every little detail that makes you want to run to the store and re-create so your house can look that cozy.  Do not let social media steal your happiness.  If you start feeling jealousy while scrolling it's time to put down the phone/tablet/computer and do something different.  We all share our highlights and there is no faster way to steal your joy than starting to play the comparison game.

4.) Have fun.

What is it about this time of year that makes you smile?  For me it's the childhood memories of baking cookies.  I remember my mom would have her girlfriends over and they'd make different cookies and swap.  I used to do a cookie party before I had kids, but then it got too big and having kids made it tricky.  I'd like to start that up again one day!  This year I have already made 3 different kinds of cookies with the kids and Brooke is having so much fun helping me.  I put on some Christmas music and we just make a big old mess and make some delicious cookies.  If you're not into baking, maybe it's driving or walking around looking at lights/decorations.  Maybe it's just listening to Christmas music.  Binge watch a few Hallmark movies (while you fold laundry or wash dishes!) Or if you're crafty, go to Michael's or checkout Pinterest for a holiday DIY.  The kids love getting creative and your house looks super cute.  What's the point of this time of year if you're not taking time to do what you love?  December only comes once a year.  Enjoy it!

5.) Be grateful.

I have to say, this has been the biggest help lately.  As soon as I'm having a rough day, I will try to snap myself out of the funk.  I make myself think of 3 things I am grateful for.  It's hard to be unhappy when you start to train your mind to think of all that makes you smile.  I really am trying to write them down in the morning or at night, but at the very least I say them out loud.  Sometimes it's when I walk the dog, so I don't have anything to write it down on...but I quickly become humbled and remember all that we have.  Right now, say three things you are grateful for today.

I am grateful for my cozy slippers, this time to blog and this delicious vanilla spiced tea with Rumchata.  Nothing crazy or fancy, but I am so thankful this is my moment right now!!  

Remember to breathe, catch those snowflakes on your tongue with your tot, and enjoy that piece of gingerbread cookie.  Of course, voice texting to your best girlfriends who get you it also quite essential, but that's just a given.  It is the most wonderful time of the year, so let it be.

I Confess...

....Happy 5 years blogging to me!! (yesterday)  My very first post back on 9/28/11

...I love back to school; I do not love back to school germs!!  Seriously, my Time Hop shows me each year we are dealing with little colds this time of year. BOO!

...I am legit obsessed with tea.  Currently sipping on some Throat Comfort Yogi tea.  It's definitely got a little different taste to it and I'm not sure if I love it, but I do think it helps the ick. Plus I'm already dreaming of my Matcha latte OR trying a pumpkin vanilla chai. I saw someone post that and I never thought about that! I miss my pumpkin spice latte, but man everything coffee makes my reflux no fun.

...I had no idea what I was getting into signing up for the craft committee for Brooke's pre-school.  I just cut out 18 haunted houses, 18 black cat tails and 18 orange cat whiskers.  Luckily Joe helped me on that last batch because it was a lot!

...It's cold and rainy today and other than grabbing miss Brooke from preschool I have no plans other than to play, cuddle and maybe do some painting with the kids.

...I feel like I'm really starting to find my voice, be comfortable in my own skin, and truly own how I feel.  So much has happened in the last few years and maybe it's just what happens as we age.  Most of the time when I was young I was super shy and very quiet in school.  I kept my thoughts and opinions to myself.  Now with social media, I have found that for the most part I do the same, but lately I feel like if I have something to say, I will just say it.  I don't ever "go after" anyone or attack, but sometimes (especially lately with all of the presidential debate media) I find myself not deleting my comments, but rather hitting publish.  It's kind of freeing, really.

...I'm not quite ready to be a hunting widow this Fall, but I do hope hubby gets a deer this year.  He's been working hard setting up all of his tree stands and I know it's the ONE activity that he truly loves.  

...Speaking of loving a hobby, I really miss ballet. I loved Zumba and other dance classes but I may try to figure out a way to go an adult dance class. Even if it's just once or twice a month. I'd have to hire a sitter because it's on a late night Joe works and we basically have no family around to help us out.

...I had the best time last weekend with my girlfriend Kristin. We did this "Remote Rochester" thing and wore headphones and did this tour like event, which I cannot even put into words, but it was really really cool!

...this mom thing hasn't really gotten any easier.  There are real raw moments where I just tear up and think, am I doing anything right? Am I good mom? Should I be doing more?  I question myself all of the time, and certainly wish I had my mom here in person.  I was joking around the other day and said I should start a "grandma service" so that we could match moms like me with older women who would just LOVE to be of help to me and my kids.  I'm not even talking about a grandma to just watch the kids, though that would be nice, but I'm talking about just being with an older mom/grandma to talk about how it was when she raised kids.  To sip tea and chat while the kids run around.  It's not something I've published a lot here, but it's on my heart and mind all of the time.  I long for a mentor and an older woman to bond with.  Kind of weird to some people I guess, but when I don't have that, it makes life harder.  Maybe because I want it so badly? It takes a village to raise a child, and like I said before, Joe and I are the village, unless we hire out.  Tough stuff, but we are doing our best and I do truly believe our kids are thriving, happy, and well.  Make that lemonade my friends, life is better with the glass half full.

...My son eats more food than I have ever seen one child eat.  I feel like I am always wiping him up and cleaning a food mess, only to just turn around and start feeding him again! He's a beast. I love it.

...Las Vegas is around the corner and I am SUPER pumped about it.  We just can't decide to stay at the Bellagio or Aria?! We'll be staying at the Red Rock Casino for Joe's AFG convention, but we learned from last year to take an extra few days and enjoy!

...I have been having so much fun with Stella & Dot.  I can honestly say out of the companies I have dabbled in, this is by far the most rewarding.  I feel like the goals I set I can achieve and the payout is in jewels & cash---which is amazing!! I am hoping to keep growing at my own little pace and with the holidays coming, I can hopefully get into some vendor events and share a little more.  It's funny how it all started, but I am happy and to me that's what is most important!

...My tinnitus hasn't been annoying me so much since I STOPPED THINKING about it.  Crazy how much your mind controls things.  What you focus on increases and man, the less I think about my ear buzzing, the better off I am.

...I read a book last weekend and it was good! Think Gone Girl/ Girl on the train.  It was The Couple Next Door.  I think it ended a bit abruptly, but I believe that was the way the author intended it.

...I swear I'm going to get myself back onto a blogging schedule; I miss you guys!

...Bring on pumpkin everything and bring on October!

...I'm thinking of giving these Crock Pot Ranch Tacos a whirl tonight. I'll let ya know how they go!

Day 6: Dance

Sometimes ya just need to move and groove.  Pull up your favorite song and just start dancing around.  Dance like no one is watching, or record yourself so someone is!

It's no shock that I love to dance.  Anyone who knows me, knows it's probably my favorite thing to do!  While I am struggling to get into an adult class (that whole selfish/me time!) I can dance any time or anywhere, especially while I am home!

My favorite thing is when we'll be eating dinner all together, listening to Sinatra, and Joe will pull me up out of my chair.  It instantly lifts my soul and we have a great time twirling around the kitchen. 

I know that when the kids get a little grumpy or seem like we need a mood change, this is exactly what we do.  Joe will play videos and I'll throw on Pandora.  We love Kidz Bop music channel or even the top hits (I censor them).

The kids requested Rio (it's their favorite movie right now! We have seen it a million times!) So here ya go. Perfect for Friday.

Dance away my friends, dance away!

Day 5: Be Selfish

Sometimes we put ourselves on the back burner.  We don't take time to pamper ourselves, read a good book, sit down and eat a healthy meal. 

I'm telling you it's OK to be selfish! If you take some time to fill yourself up, you will have more to give to others. It's really just a matter of making ourselves a priority from time to time.  

If you feel like you're just empty, it's time to be selfish.  (maybe only an hour or two of time by yourself is what you'll need!)

What's your favorite way to be selfish?

Day 4: Wake up Grateful

It's not always the easiest thing to do, or remember to do...but when I do, I feel so much better!

As soon as you get up in the morning, (you can even keep your eyes closed!) think of at least ONE thing you are grateful for in your life.

Today I was grateful for a healthy 3.5 strong willed curly haired little girl who crawls into my bed at 6:15.  What a beautiful little face to wake up to.

What are you grateful for?

I Confess...

...that I am thoroughly convinced the hardest age is 1 1/2-2 so far.  I'm sure there will be struggles as the kids get older, but man.  Someone is super clingy, being a picky eater and rather fussy more often than not lately!  It seems as though the only reprieve is if we go some place, but that's not possibly 24/7.

...I got a little bit of color from the sun yesterday and I'm not mad about it.

...I'm on day 4 of my cleanse and I can't promise that I will make it 10 days without a drink. #toddlers

...that I'm stoked to have a pedicure date tonight with my girl Alison!  It's probably my last outing without the kids for awhile.

...one of our sitters is moving to Buffalo and the other is super busy all Summer, so now I have to find more help!

...we have so much yard work/garden/deck work to do this weekend.  I can't wait to get some flowers to hang and plant!

...I felt like I was in a really great groove/routine with the kids and I'm trying really hard to get back on track, but it's so hard!

...behind my knee is hurting pretty bad. I think it's a tendon and it's from carrying the kids up/down the stairs and walking the dog, as she pulls really hard.  Pushing the double stroller also bothers it, as does grocery shopping.  I have been trying to ice it and rest when possible, but I barely sit all day so it's kind of an issue. I hope it gets better soon!

...I have no desire to clean, but the floors are bad already and I need to just do it.

...it's not even 10 am and I'm starting to sweat, bring on the high 80s and 90s woo hoo!

...I haven't been reading as much as I had been and I'm not cool with that.

...I need to go listen to some positive motivation because I'm kinda feelin in a funk.

Let's do this Thursday! 

I confess...

...I totally just packed the kids up and headed to Starbucks. In my defense, I was out of my low fat vanilla soy milk and couldn't make my own latte.  I did however, go back to the OG and get my grande vanilla soy latte---WOW!  I can't believe how strong the espresso tasted after about a month hiatus! Crazy.

...I am dreaming of some amazing QT with my groom.  I am talking about breakfast, lunches, dinners just us, not worrying about whether someone is drinking enough of her water, or if someone else is eating enough of his veggies.  To sit in absolute silence, or to talk and discuss big dreams.  To rap along to the dirtiest of hip hop music, and laugh because we can.  Kid free time is much needed!

...I ate three pieces of cheese pizza last night for dinner, and even though I did a quick arm/ab workout and a a 20 minute walk with the kids, I still jumped on the elliptical last night.  Felt damn good!

...I am going to write a post about how social media is causing depression/anxiety/unhappiness.  The more I stay away and do "other activities" the happier I've become. No joke.

...Bradley is the funniest little boy I have ever met. He keeps doing this side dance and booty goes round--I die.

...I can almost not see the parking lot behind our house and I kinda love it.  

...the triangle pavé ear climbers are back and EVERYONE wants them! They sold out so fast last time, I didn't get a pair, don't delay!!

...I love goat cheese, but not so much on the morning eggs---I prefer my feta.  Sorry Nikki!! 

...I'm finding it hard to believe that it's the end of May and that Memorial Day is next weekend. I need to finish mulching and grab some flowers asap!!

...I am shocked at how many people reached out to me after my post on Tuesday.  I never know what may strike a chord with someone, as I write really just for me...(selfishly) but I am so moved when others find comfort or familiarity with my words.  I like that a lot.

...Father's Day is around the corner, I have NO clue what to get my dad! He owns a hardware/lumberyard and is probably the hardest man to buy for on the face of the earth. I wish I could buy him time, so that he could just spend it with his grandkids and not worry about working.

...Parenting is no joke.  (obvi) Joe and I were discussing how "easy" we have it, with me being home 24/7 and his hard work ethic, allowing us to live this way--and yet we still have struggles, challenges and worries about our kids.  I take my job as a momma very (too) seriously at times and I just want both of them to be totally fine and have no issues ever. . . I may be referring to some potty training related issues, but I don't going too public about that with my babes. 

...I'm excited for my grandma to meet our kids!  Both of my other grandparents have passed before they got to meet them, so it will be very special for me.

...I keep seeing 11:11 a lot lately, I mean pretty much twice daily. I love this interpretation here: 

In my opinion and what resonates with me, is that when you see ‘11:11’ whether on a clock, a license plate, your bank statement or wherever you happen to see it, is like a friendly little sign from your soul, source, higher-self, or the entire Universe, whatever you choose to call it, God, if you will, that everything is in alignment and you are exactly where you need to be, right here, right now.  (Source)

...I really do feel like I am exactly where I need to be lately and there is NO freer feeling that just that.  To not feel like I am supposed to be doing this, that or the other thing.  To feel completely at ease, almost blissful in this chaotic world that spins around me.  I do not wish for anything more, I am simply surrounded by beauty, abundance and am happy---from the inside out.  Isn't that what we all strive to feel or be?  I don't know how long this feeling will last, but I am soaking up every lovin minute of it. 

Let it Go

My husband told me to be like Elsa yesterday, as I rattled off a bunch of things that frustrate me, trouble my mind and make me feel ill at ease.  I've been feeling rather good lately, but whether it's just that time of month, certain factors in our lives, the weather, or whatever I want to use to blame...

I sometimes just get a little "up in my head" and I really don't like it.  I realize it's been a few days since I've listened to my positive motivation audiobooks, and I truly believe that may be why.  It's like anything else in life; I can't carry on eating burgers in fries, if I want to stay in good shape.  Same goes for my emotional and mental well-being.

The thing I struggle with the most is caring what others think.  I worry about everyone's feelings, how they may be affected by certain situations.  It's hard to make everyone happy--it's actually downright quite impossible.  

I can say that as the kids get older and our responsibility continues to grow, it's becoming harder and harder to tow the line of "doing what's right" vs "doing what's right for me/my family."

I don't know why I crave balance so much, but with Joe's crazy work schedule, not many people can relate to how little time we have to work with, and with building a new home on the horizon, a lot of things are definitely going to be shifting, changing, and hopefully our friends and family can be understanding.  While Joe has never been one to just lounge around and be lazy, (neither of us actually) I know that in the upcoming year, between his work schedule and us working on the land, it's sure to be intense!

Since I can't make others understand what it takes to make our little family function happy & healthy, I know that playing a victim is not an option.

I stumbled across a powerful little video (reminder) via Facebook this morning.  I follow the "Power of Positivity" page and truly needed to let these soak in...

10 Things to let go of to be happy:

1.) Let go of toxic people in your life.

2.)  Let go of regretting past mistakes.

3.)  Let go of the need to be right.

4.)  Let go of feeling sorry for yourself

5.) Let go of negative self talk

6.)  Let go of the need to impress others.

7.)  Let go of limiting beliefs.

8.)  Let go of the need to please everyone

9.)  Let go of gossip and complaining

10.)  Let go of worrying about the future


Wow.  Can I just say that some of those hit me right smack in the middle of my head! I don't know why I allow myself to care so much about things that I have absolutely no control over.  I once thought it was a gift, to be so compassionate.  But as I've learned through my 34 years, there is only so much I can give, and sometimes I need to pick and choose where I exert my energy.  Right now it's mostly going to these two little curly haired babes that I brought into this world.

Last night, as the clock neared bedtime, Bradley was in a funk.  He was fussy and just not feeling it. I was finally showering at 6pm and he stood outside the shower door and cried the whole entire time.  I felt awful, skipped shaving my legs (again) and thought he wanted an early bed time.

As I got his last sippy cup ready, changed him and laid him in bed, a huge part of me wanted to rock him, but he was so worked up I thought perhaps just laying him down would be best.  So I laid him down, he drank his cup and to my surprise did not fall right to sleep.

He sat and talked, cooed, and giggled and finally laid down. A few minutes later I heard his cry, and as his momma, I know his cries. This was an "in-pain" cry so I rushed in and his foot was caught in his crib slats.  I of course picked him right up, snuggled him and rocked him for a little while and it was just what I needed.  I'm sure he needed it too, but to rock him in his chair, that I haven't sat in for quite some time, well, it just turned me into a big old pile of mush.

I thought about all that Joe and I have created, accomplished and continue to still do.  We dream big dreams and we make them happen.  I know along the way there will be haters, or simply people who don't understand.  There are going to be others who think we should just be fine with what we have, what we do, where we're at.  And that's fine for some people, but what's wrong with wanting a little more?  Pushing ourselves daily and continuously to live a life we are both happy with and proud of.

As Joe got home last night around 9:30, we sat on the couch and ate dinner and briefly spoke of this.  I giggled and said how I too pushed myself that day because I wanted so badly to stay in my bathrobe, lay in bed and listen to the rest of my audiobook.  But I knew he deserved a nice warm, freshly cooked dinner.  He deserved a smiling wife at the door, greeting him after a 13 hour work day.  He deserved his partner to discuss the day's happenings and laughing with me over all the silly snapchats from the day.

We work extremely hard for our happiness, our family, and the life we live.  I don't feel the need to document it and shout out it out upon the rooftop, but I do know what we have is real and it's different.  It's not always picture perfect, but it's perfect to us.

And anyone who doesn't understand, or doesn't care to understand us?

Not. My. Problem.

I may have to play that little top 10 video all day and focus on not caring, pleasing and focusing on others' thoughts, opinions, because man---that just drains me.

How do you 'get out of your head'?  Is there something that helps you stay motivated and not worrying about others' so much?  Is it simply just a switch?  

Mothering

Moms do everything.  Ok, maybe not everything, but for the most part, at least in my case, momma is the glue that holds the family together.  It's a lot of pressure us as women put on ourselves; there is never enough time in the day to do everything we want, and by the end of the day, if you're like me, you're exhausted.

I think about folding the laundry sitting by the dryer that needs to be done.

I walk by the pile of mail that needs to be sorted.

The books on the counter give me a side-eye, as if to say, "read me!"

The dog needs to be walked.

The kids need to be bathed.

The living room needs to be picked up and vacuumed.

The crumbs from dinner are sticking to my feet and need to be swept.

Some days are easier than others, but is it simply because of my mindset? I think so.  There is ALWAYS something to be done around this house and being home 24/7 allows for more time to make messes!  So while I am home all day and sure I can clean, I can only load/unload the dishwasher so many times before I am ready to go bonkers.

So I pack all of us up and get-out-of-the-house. {cue the 3:45 Starbucks/Target run Monday afternoon}

Sure it's a bit of a workout getting the kiddos all bundled up, boots, hats, mittens, snacks, drinks, potty before we leave.

It's usually always worth it though, even if the outing can't last too long because Brother doesn't want to sit in the cart and Brooke keeps running around the store.

But if it's one thing I keep learning, it's take time for me.

Take the hot shower, even if it means the kids watch the Ipad and try to climb into the tub.

Take the extra 15 minutes and put on makeup.

Take a few minutes to design a keeper to go with my outfit.

Sneak off to Starbucks, grab a green tea latte and head to the library. (It's eerily quiet!)

Honestly, what really helps is one day a week, go out of the house, just for me.  Tonight it happens to be my favorite {acupuncture} I know it fills my soul with such positive energy and much needed breath of fresh air.

If I don't, carve out these small moments in time for me, I know I get even more frustrated and a little lost.

I've also learned to stop wishing it would be easier, and learn to be better (thank you Jim Rohn).

I'm going to have amazing days in mothering, and I'm going to have some not so great days too.  I've also learned that I can be having an extremely trying day, but still find slivers of pure bliss.  Moments where I look over and the two of them are so sweet, loving, and playful with each other.

Being a mother has taught me so much and has made me feel things I have never imagined I'd feel.  I think the hardest part is always feeling, "on".  Even if I'm not with my babies, I'm always thinking about them and worrying about what I could be doing better.

I am really looking forward to this Summer because of their ages; Brooke really gets things now and Bradley just gets so excited to see Brooke's reactions.  

I have already started planning out some activities that I want to do with them and I just need the weather to cooperate!

I think with Mother's Day coming up, it's stirring all of these emotions of what it means to be a mom; and if you caught my post on one of my big dreams, I definitely want to be close to my kids. In all aspects!

I've also seen a lot about mom shaming and mom judging and quite honestly it's just so disturbing.  I don't really have anything to say other than we need to just start supporting one another and helping each other out because that village that used to be here to help us raise a child, is gone.  A lot of us are doing it mostly on our own.  Husbands work long, intense hours so we can stay home and tend to our children.  There aren't grandmas and aunties living with (or near) me.  Things continue to evolve and I feel as though as technology becomes better, we become more divided.  The more we can see into each others' lives, the more we think we know it all.

I had a brief moment at breakfast this morning, where all of my loves sat eating their breakfast that I lovingly cooked, as I rushed to get my water and hubby's green tea ready, so I could actually sit and enjoy a bite or two with them.

No one gets to see that moment.

I don't post a video on FB.  I don't share a photo of us all enjoying our eggs on Instagram.  I snap videos or photos of the food itself, but that moment that happens every day?  That is ours and no one can see it.

Just like we don't see A LOT of what goes on in 24 hours of other mommas' days.

I chose the word SUCCEED for 2016, and I almost feel like I should have chosen "GROWTH." There is so much growing I continue to do each and every day, I honestly feel silly when time hop shows me old FB statuses or photos of me, 8 years ago.

But isn't that the point?

Aren't we supposed to change and grow and learn to be the best possible version of ourselves?  Becoming a mother has certainly challenged me in ways I find hard to put into words.

Mothering has been such a wild, crazy, messy, beautiful ride since I brought Brooke into this world.  I can honestly say, I am nervous, excited and a little overwhelmed by all that is yet to come.

One day they won't need me to do so much for them, but I know they will need me in so many more ways.  Once you're a mom, you're always a mom.  I know that if I want a healthy and happy relationship with my son and daughter, it's going to be a lifetime or giving; selfless and constant love and affection, no matter what.  It's being there for them when they don't even think they need me, is what will matter most.

Moms are everything to a child, and that doesn't change no matter if you're one or forty.

We are all in this together moms, and raising littles is not easy, but it is so worth every stink(y)in moment.  So if you're feeling alone, a little or a lot overwhelmed, or simply like you're going a little nutty, it's gonna be okay.  Focus on the good, give some extra hugs, and find a really good latte to help you through!!

The Intern

I somehow convinced hubby to watch this movie with me a few weeks ago.  I didn't realize it was by the same director that did The Holiday, but I'm not surprised that I loved it!!  The last few movies we've chosen, he's fallen asleep, so I didn't feel too bad picking this knowing that if he did fall asleep, it wouldn't be the movie!

Anyway, he did stay awake but I have to say, the first few minutes of the movie, I was a blubbering mess!!!   I did not see that coming...I'm not trying to ruin the movie by any means, but here is what was going through my head.

Here's an old man in his 70's who worked his whole life, married the love of his life, had a son, a gorgeous home and had everything that most of us dream to have...

However, like I mentioned, he is 70.  His wife had passed.  He retired.  His son moved away to a different state with his family, and he was all alone.

It struck me as I watched him routinely sit alone, read a paper, drink his coffee in silence.  One day, that will be me.  Or it will be Joe. And holy cow, that is so scary!!  Now, I know we will are all going to grow old and one day die, that is not my point.

My point is, enjoy the now.  There are days I so badly want sit alone and read blogs & drink my coffee hot.  But I usually end up getting up off the chair 10 times to fix a toy, change a diaper, grab a juice, offer a snack, and end up re-heating my coffee.

I know that I always tell myself to slow down and enjoy the now, but seeing this movie just made it that much more of a reality!    Don't get me wrong, I am certainly the type of mom who needs breaks. Nights out. Days off.  Hour here or there to myself.  But in the day to day, I just want to make sure I am enjoying the crazy.  The messes.  The spills.  The peanut butter foot and hand mask that my daughter gave herself last week.  I couldn't even yell at her because it was just funny and weird and why would you do that?!  Yes, dipping her hands in water and then smearing peanut butter.  I wasn't sure how to clean it off at first as it just kept smearing and sliding!

I wish I had snapped a photo, but it was one of those moments I know I won't forget.  Life as a mom. Motherhood.  Crazy toddlers.

Digressing...but seriously, the movie was excellent and gave me a perspective that I needed to be reminded of.

Perhaps it's because my parents are divorced and both still work.  My grandparents are no longer around.  I'm not really that close with anyone who is living that type of life...so to see it staring at me in the face, that was powerful.



I believe we watched it for a reason and that it gave me an extra skip in my step as I pick up the books Bradley has dumped over for the second time in one hour.  Or the energy to run 5 errands, carefully buckling and unbuckling both carseats each time we needed to get in or out.

It's a season, I know this.   Soon they'll be off at school and we'll have other things consuming our days, and I'll miss the moments where I hear "No mommy!" and the door slams shut and both kids giggle.

I'm going to miss this.

I know.