Green Fun [St. Paddy's Day]

So, I didn't do too much with the whole St. Patrick's Day theme.  I put some Irish music on Pandora and pulled out a few tricks in my back pocked.  I tried a few Pinterest projects yesterday and they didn't really turn out as well as they looked…but she had fun!  Next year we will get into doing fun little tricks with the Leprechaun.

One had cut an apple in half, and then you use that to make a 3 leaf clover.  The other was to tape 3 wine corks together and use that to make a clover.

She just had fun getting messy…

And I had to quickly stop taking photos because she realized it was waaaay more fun to use her hands!

Joe HATES corned beef and cabbage, so I made us ribs [and mac and cheese]

Brooke made a cake.

Stirred in the green!

Poor thing needs her hair cut desperately! But she enjoyed a little frosting.

It wasn't a huge super creative baking project, but she had fun and it was tasty…although she still said it was blue after all that green talk, all day long. Oops.

After dinner we 'split up into teams' as Joe calls it.  He took Brookie to the mall so she could run around and ride the carousel.  I took baby boy to the grocery store, but he woke up while I was trying to look at makeup.  His cute smiles made it worth it.  He was spent by the end of the night.

And so was Daddy.  I asked him to hold the baby while I pumped quickly.  I came back to this.  I think it's funny how I have so many pictures of him sleeping with the babes this little and yet none of me sleeping, EVER!  I'll sleep eventually.

Last night was actually quite good, baby boy only woke up once around 2am and then not again until 7!  Let's hope this continues.  

How was your St. Patrick's Day?  Let me know of any fun activities you do with your kids!

Easter Ready

I am super excited for Spring to get here!!  Even though I am staring at a rather large snow mountain in my backyard, I am confident that by Easter, warm weather and green grass will magically appear!  Now that things are running much smoother in our house, I have had time to do some fun stuff like find coordinating Easter outfits for our babes!  I am still in awe that we have a little boy and a little girl.  This is just too much fun!!

I decided upon these two cuties from Carters 



And of course, little mister needs his first bow tie for the event!! {thanks to Jane and their daily e-mails!}




Since Valentine's Day we just hung around the house, I didn't really dress the kids up, so Easter marks our first "major" holiday as a family of four!  We have been reading Easter books, playing with plastic eggs and doing some small Easter crafts to get Brooke familiar with it.  This worked so well with Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I think she's starting to really catch onto everything.

How cute [and easy] do these pancakes look??  I cannot wait to dye eggs with Brookie this year because she will just LOVE it.  Her favorite book is Where are Baby's Easter Eggs--she is obsessed with the flap books.  And, how do we not have any jelly beans up in here?! Oy. I need to get on that stat.

I am hoping that my husband and I can go shopping, just the two of us, and pick up their Easter basket goodies.   I'm thinking some new Spring goodies, like bubbles, sidewalk chalk, and maybe gardening tools for Brooke.  For baby boy, I would like to get him some shoes, either mocs or Robeez, since he likes to kick his socks off.  Maybe a teething toy (not that he'll need it soon, but a few more months!) and a bib or two.   Joe will pick out candy, I am sure, but either way, it will be fun to play Easter Bunny and hide her basket this year!  Two is such a fun age.  

Most importantly, we will spend the day with family!! My stepbrother is coming home and we will get to see him and his girlfriend and he will get to meet Bradley finally!  My family hasn't all gotten together like this since Christmas, so we are super excited.  I am hoping we can stop by my in-laws for a coffee before hand too, but we haven't made plans yet ;)

What are your Easter plans?  I cannot believe it is only 3 weeks away!

The Formula Debate

As I sit here watching my 8 week old sleep soundly in front of tired eyes, I am grateful for Science.  It may not be the best choice for everyone, but for me, my son, my husband, my daughter, and even my dog, I believe it is the right choice for us.  I had so many beautiful visions of nursing my son; of us lovingly enjoying long nursing sessions…ones that I would look back on and truly miss.  When I was pregnant, I would day dream of breastfeeding him in the wee morning hours; the sun just poking out behind the clouds and taking over for the moon.

I believe in the power of breast-feeding: I believe that it's natural, and real, and the best option for a baby.  But then, I also believe that it isn't.  What comes easy to some, say my first born daughter and I, does not come easy for another, my son.  These last few weeks I have felt so out of control, like my earth is spinning and I am grasping at every which way for an answer, a solution.  His cries are not that of a normal fussy baby, and yet are that of a wee one in pain.

Tears roll down my cheeks as I stare at his sweet face, and already I know the pain of of panic and not knowing how to fix something when I am unsure what is wrong.  I hate to compare to Brooke, but with your second child it is hard not to!  Sure Brooke woke throughout some nights and cried here or there, but nothing like this one.  Her fussiest times were when she was getting her two year molars just over a year and a half.  She never came into our bed and I distinctly remember one night, as she was a few months old, I had to stop rocking her to sleep…I didn't want to make bedtime a nightmare, so I laid her in her crib awake and she simply just fell asleep.

Maybe I was too cocky, sure of myself, or just assumed all would be pretty much the same with Bradley as with Brooke, but I was certainly wrong.  I told myself I would give things until Friday 3/13 with breastfeeding, but if nothing had improved, I would opt for trying formula.

Well, I made it until Thursday 3/12 and made yet another pediatrician appointment.  The problem was, even with my dietary changes, we still had some pretty rough days/nights.  I would have a good day with him, and then prolonged screaming and crying. More than anything, I was constantly stressing out about what to eat.  What if he has an allergy to something in a baked good?  Was the spinach too much?  OMG I had parm cheese….it was awful.  Plus being extremely sleep deprived and on no caffeine, I really felt like I was in a hole.  It was time to stop the madness.  I was literally drowning in trying to keep up with the baby, Brooke, my husband, dinner, cleaning, and myself.

When we got to the Dr's, we did the normal weigh in etc, and it showed no weight gain. ZERO.  The Dr made me go to the previous scale he had been weighed on to double check, and it did say he gained about 5 oz, but in two weeks time, the Dr felt that was not good.  Last time  (two weeks prior) she was concerned he gained too much weight…being 13 pounds at 6 weeks.  That was because he was so fussy and so I would nurse him to calm him, but that was happening every 1-2 hours. Exhausting.  And making our issues worse.

So, she said that some people are just really bent on breast-feeding and continue to, just kind of deal with the issues at hand.  Others try something else, like formula.  As much as I wanted to nurse for at least 6 months, I was desperate to find a solution and try to help my baby feel better.  She gave us two sample cans of this to try.

Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot describe to you the joy, the amount of sheer and utter bliss this house has been in since we have begun this formula.  No it's not organic.  No, it's not breast milk.  But you know what?   It is helping this little dude SLEEP!  Babies need sleep to grow and be well.  When he was in so much pain and agony, he would be up and fuss all day and night.  Poor thing was exhausted. Now?  He's getting solid 2 hour naps and although not sleeping through the night, he will get up twice to feed and go right back to sleep.  No more hours of trying to console him or rock him forever.

This formula is rather pricey [read upwards: $38 a can] but we cannot put a price on our boy's health and all of our happiness.  I hear we may be able to get a script and get insurance to pay for it…that would be nice!

He was so upset that Thursday I took him in, and the first bottle of this formula he guzzled right down.

And instead of tears, we now get way more of these…

And a lot more of this.

My friend Amie recommended this bottle and it is wonderful!

I was beginning to really doubt my ability to be a mother.  I didn't think it would be easy, but I really knew it should not be so hard.  That mama bear instinct made me get us back to the Dr. though...

I'd be lying if I wasn't excited to add caffeine back into my routine.  A coffee now and then and a daily Spark---I am flying around my house and able to get so much done, WITH a huge smile on my face.

A part of me wishes I had tried the formula sooner, but I am also glad baby boy got at least 2 months of my antibodies and such in my milk.  I cried some major tears, wondering if I am making the right choice.  I questioned if I should just eat chicken and rice and deal with it to see if that would help.  The Dr still claims there is  no evidence to prove that what I eat goes into my milk and affects him, but I am not here to argue that.  I am grateful we have found something that is working (more than working!) and I pray that it continues.

I'm in the process of trying to stop pumping.  I'm still saving the milk in case he can take it later on, and I don't want any more plugged ducts or mastitis again…so that's the only annoying part now is having to still pump when he's taking formula in a bottle.  With Brooke it was a slow and natural process. I supplemented with formula and got her down to just a few nursings, then to one before bed before we stopped our breastfeeding journey. So this is something that is new to me. I know it will all be over soon, and I just feel like a new person, or like I've been given a new chance at life.  Dramatic much, perhaps, but I cannot express how rough some days and nights have been.  Total fog.  But you get to the point in life where you need to make a decision and though it may be tough, you just know when enough is enough.

I want to write all these thoughts out so one day if Bradley's wife or Brooke have issues, I will remember and be able to tell them about this. I think we forget about some of the not so perfect moments because they are so tough, you kind of block them out.  But coming out stronger and happier is what is important.  I believe in turn that makes us healthier too.  Let's keep growing baby boy and give us those giddy smiles that melt our hearts.

Melting [Snowy] Walk

I cannot believe it's March already and that the snow is finally starting to melt!!  I am feeling much better, thanks to the antibiotics and have definitely been taking it easy…but I am ready to start doing more each day and today I am really working on Mr. B's schedule!! I truly believe if he is sleeping most the day, he will not sleep great at night…and the same goes for if he's up more during the day, he sleeps best at night! So that is today (and probably the rest of the week) goal.

Let's rewind, shall we?

Sunday Joe took Brooke to an indoor kid fair.  I was rather upset I couldn't go, but I know it was best for me to rest and not expose baby boy to all those germs anyway…

But my little girl rode her first pony!  I loved horses, still do actually, and it seems like she is following mama's footsteps.  It was really meaningful for my husband to let her ride the real horse, since they go on their weekly mall trip to ride the carousel.

So I snuggled with my baby bunny Sunday…

Monday we worked on some Easter crafts [thank you Target Dollar!]

I have been feeling like a cow--I am pumping and feeding him around the clock.  I am building quite the stash, as I just don't want to get plugged up again. He is my little pumping buddy.

His eyelashes are starting to really show!  I bought this onesie when I was prego with Brooke…I just found it!

Tuesday it was about 50 degrees outside , so I bundled up the kids and said, here we go!

We just went on a small walk down the street and behind the school.  I knew he was warm enough thanks to his cute monkey suit! He fell right to sleep and kept me warm too. 

Brooke had more fun jumping in the huge puddles of melted snow than anything! She did carry some snow around too.  She got super wet, I need to find water resistant boots, mamas?!  

She insisted on wearing her puppy hat backwards too.  

As tired as I am, I am making the most of these moments and still can't wait for Spring to really do its thing!  Looking back, Brooke's had a pretty good last few days! Haha.  This is why I love blogging. Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough with her, but seeing all of these highlights, I'd say she's doing quite alright. 

Mastitis

These last seven weeks with baby boy have been such a roller coaster!! We have sure had our fair share of small bumps in the road.  Nothing we can't handle, but holy smokes, it's been way more than the normal "just bringing a newborn home and having a toddler too."  That second weekend home, we had Joe's crohn's flare up.  Then things started to seem to get into a routine around week 3…but his tongue was still white and he started to get fussy, so I thought maybe it was Thrush. Week 4 hit and he started acting super fussy, crying all the time, having trouble burping/passing gas.  It was awful!

Like I've said so far I've changed my diet--still no dairy (like I may cook with butter or eat breads etc that may contain milk) but I am not eating yogurt, cheese, milk, or any milk based or soy proteins. I have switched to all plant based protein and I must say, I was feeling great.

I also gave up caffeine…but he was still having some pretty obvious reflux symptoms (crying, spitting up/out of his nose)  So on Thursday 3/5 we decided to start him on the Zantac.  It took a few days, but I really truly believe all of these changes have helped him immensely! He is sleeping so much better, cooing, talking, and only gets fussy if he's hungry, tired, or needs a diaper change.  That is what I call winning!

However, just as he started to get better, on Friday my right breast started hurting.  I didn't think much of it, I thought maybe I just needed to feed or pump; maybe I laid on it funny.  But as the day progressed, I thought differently. I started worrying about a blocked duct or worse, mastitis.

After talking to several of my friends, they all said if you even think it is mastitis, get to the Dr ASAP.  The last thing I wanted to do was go on antibiotics; my poor baby has been on 2 meds already, I dreaded having to go on something and have him get it through my breast milk.  Talking to my husband we decided I should try a few of the natural remedies before rushing to urgent care…

That included, warm/cold compress.  Lavender oil.  Pumping/feeding around the clock.  I even swallowed whole garlic cloves.  That was disgusting.  The only thing I didn't have to try was the cabbage leaves…but by 6pm on Friday night I started getting chills, body aches, and felt terrible! I was so bummed because my friend Nikki was here and this hit me like a ton of bricks!  After they left, I bundled up in sweats, hoodie, thick socks, blanket, and took 2 advil (which I never do) and I checked my temp. it was 99.8 which is high for me…I am always in the 97 for some reason.  Luckily it dropped quickly, I think because of the advil…but I continued to feel ill all night, and all day Saturday.  I really wanted to go to the Dr but I did not want to bring the kids to that germy place!  I had to wait until Joe got home at 5:30.

Sure enough, the Dr said it was definitely mastitis and that she strongly urged antibiotics because I had the red lines starting and the fever/chills already.  She said it can get ugly really quickly, like in a few hours, and it's not something to take lightly.  

So I am hoping the medicine really works and that we don't have any real Thrush issues--I'm pumping my probiotics like crazy and trying to eat super healthy.  I just want to be better, breastfeed him successfully, and have everyone healthy!  I started doubting, again, if I should just throw in the towel with nursing him and just pick up the can of purple enfamil staring at me on our desk, since they sent it to us for free in the mail.

I am not one to wish for life to be easy, but I certainly can only do so much.  I am hoping this phase passes quickly and we can all feel happy, healthy, and full of energy again!  I am grateful for small moments of triumph, and finding strength in myself I wasn't quite sure existed.  Lack of sleep is my main concern, and I will continue to try my best to rest when possible and catch up when I can!

I am not against formula by any means; by 6 months I had Brooke transitioned to formula.  I just really hoped to nurse a bit longer still…but I know mommy needs her rest, and when the time is right, I will make that decision. For now, I pump like a crazy woman…and live for these smiles!

Nothing sweeter than a sleeping babe.

Fussy times call for a carrier time. {while making dinner!}

Have you had any nursing woes?  I will just keep chugging along...