It hit me last night, like a ton of bricks. As I lay in bed, thinking about the day's activities and such, my mind began to wander. I started to brainstorm ideas for my Christmas gifts; ones that would be fun to play with the kids like a silly board game. I thought how Bradley is getting old enough to listen and possibly take direction. I weighed the logistics of how often we'd play the game during the week, since Brooke is in school 3 days a week---and my mind went there.
It went to September 2018, where our little girl will be getting on a school bus and riding off to Kindergarten. It seemed so far off up until this moment in my mind and I burst into tears.
Babies don't keep, this I know.
My littlest just transitioned from his crib to a toddler bed. {Joe removed the big rail and replaced it with the small.} In an instant, it feels like my days of being a mom to littles is nearing an end.
I know I still have two full years of Bradley in preschool and the rest of this year, but wow---what a shot to the heart! In the trenches, I always say, sometimes it is super hard. The days where Joe works long hours and I felt like I never talked to anyone other than baby babble? Gone.
I have two blonde cuties who can both talk my ears right off any given day!
I have an almost 5 year old who dresses herself.
Brushes her teeth.
Helps with chores.
Buckles herself up in the car.
Helps herself to water if she's thirsty.
But as much as I get choked up at thinking of how all the "babyness" is gone from my house, my heart lights up as I began talking about Christmas cookies and all the cut-outs we wanted to make. And in those moments I saw her eyes light up so big, and I realize that this too is a gift, this time of innocence, curiosity and wonder.
I suppose this is all normal, just the typical feeling mommas get as their babies grow into toddlers, into preschoolers, and into kids.
I'm savoring each sweet step and just wishing I could bottle the feelings and emotions right up! In a sense however, I feel as if I already do.
This time of year I reflect on when I was pregnant, preparing for my January babies. All it takes is a scent, or a sight and I am taken right back to when it was all so new and strange.
That's the thing about memories, they can creep right up when you least expect them. They can bring tears of joy or a twinge of sadness.
Did I spend enough time loving on them? Teaching them? Holding them? Kissing their little heads? Letting them "help" me, even when I know it will be a bigger mess?
I vow to myself to soak up every last moment of these days with Brooke until we set her free in the land of full day school. I know she'll thrive and flourish. She's so eager to learn, to play, to become more.
But for now, I'll let her play and cuddle and be that little skunk or cat that she wishes to be.
Motherhood is such a beautifully strange journey and sometimes there are no words to truly describe how I feel. I just know that I love these two little souls that the love of my life and I created, more than anything in the world. Although it is not easy at times, it certainly deserves my time and attention.
They won't be little for long, and I already miss it. I know that I will miss this stage too.
