Thursday, May 26, 2016

I Confess...


...that I am thoroughly convinced the hardest age is 1 1/2-2 so far.  I'm sure there will be struggles as the kids get older, but man.  Someone is super clingy, being a picky eater and rather fussy more often than not lately!  It seems as though the only reprieve is if we go some place, but that's not possibly 24/7.

...I got a little bit of color from the sun yesterday and I'm not mad about it.

...I'm on day 4 of my cleanse and I can't promise that I will make it 10 days without a drink. #toddlers

...that I'm stoked to have a pedicure date tonight with my girl Alison!  It's probably my last outing without the kids for awhile.

...one of our sitters is moving to Buffalo and the other is super busy all Summer, so now I have to find more help!

...we have so much yard work/garden/deck work to do this weekend.  I can't wait to get some flowers to hang and plant!

...I felt like I was in a really great groove/routine with the kids and I'm trying really hard to get back on track, but it's so hard!

...behind my knee is hurting pretty bad. I think it's a tendon and it's from carrying the kids up/down the stairs and walking the dog, as she pulls really hard.  Pushing the double stroller also bothers it, as does grocery shopping.  I have been trying to ice it and rest when possible, but I barely sit all day so it's kind of an issue. I hope it gets better soon!

...I have no desire to clean, but the floors are bad already and I need to just do it.

...it's not even 10 am and I'm starting to sweat, bring on the high 80s and 90s woo hoo!

...I haven't been reading as much as I had been and I'm not cool with that.

...I need to go listen to some positive motivation because I'm kinda feelin in a funk.

Let's do this Thursday! 

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Toronto


Well, I've had enough of reality already haha!  I'm at the point today where I feel like I should try to fall asleep, but the kids will wake up momentarily, so I'll just drink some green tea and blog.

Toronto.

We had so much fun and honestly, couldn't have asked for anything better!


Yup, just us two love birds---the kids spent the weekend with Nana & Papa!  We are so grateful that they enjoy taking the kids and that everyone had a good time together!

We left Thursday after work and made such great time! No lines at the border and no traffic on the QEW.  We've been here a handful of times, so we actually have some favorite "spots" now.



I was hoping to really enjoy this cup of Joe, but sadly, my love for coffee is no more.  It really does give me terrible reflux, so I drank a few sips and switched to my green tea latte.


Breakfast was amazing---homemade biscuits and Eggs Benedict. YUMM!


After our late morning breakfast, we walked around and just enjoyed the quiet!  I loved sporting my red pixie pants and my S&D accessories.


My green tea latte---not sure how they mixed up "Jenn"...


We headed over to the nicer/ritzy part of town and had some lunch at a cute rooftop restaurant.


I forget what Joe ordered, but I know he had ceviche


I went with a salad & grilled chicken, as it was later and we had 7pm dinner reservations.


We had a little trouble finding the place, but we got there eventually!



My hottie hubby.


It was a cute place, nice staff & great food.


He went all out and ordered the $100 caviar.  Pretty good! The brioche they served with it was to die for.


My dinner was basically a deconstructed pot pie, with a bunch of fatty parts of a pig! LOL  It was really darn tasty and something I'll probably never see on a menu again, so I am glad that I ordered it.


We had a slow start to our Saturday and tried out another diner, Fran's and it was really good (we ended up back there on Sunday too!) 


After fueling up, we hit up the mall...Joe wanted to recreate some picture he took of me years ago.  Mama got some new bras--woop woop! And some jeans and a few tops.  Daddy found some really nice shirts and work clothes (much needed!)


I changed into some of my new things and we headed back out again.



There's a cute little area called Kensington market and we went there for some tacos for lunch and to walk around.


We thought this tree was so pretty!


I love this photo.


He looked so hot in his new jacket and shirt, so I had to snap a few photos of him.


This was near the restaurant where we dinner Saturday.  The weather was so nice and we had so much fun just walking around and exploring!


They stuck us right up front in the window.


I ordered the burrata with this amazing basil, lemon, pea, fava bean pesto---omg so good!  Joe went for the paté.


It wasn't terribly late, but we were tired from all of the walking we did so we headed back kind of early. Plus Yonge Street is a bit of a crazy area and with the basketball game (and the full moon!), we weren't sure what would happen.

Sunday we made sure to take our time.  Breakfast.  Last minute shopping. Latté.



Since it was a long weekend, traffic was ridiculous so we took our sweet time riding home.  We took a scenic route that followed the lake and stopped to stretch here.


I always have pictures of him on rocks haha!  I believe this was Burlington Canada.


Of course I played with Snap Chat almost all weekend long!


We saw a really cute little area so we had lunch and they had my favorite wine ever (Santa Margarita) so I obviously had to order! (hello day drinking!)


I remember the first photo I took that looked like this; it was July 11, the day after we got married and we were riding in the Porsche.  I cannot believe that was almost 6 years and 2 kids ago!  Man how time really does fly by.


I'm not sure who needed the little getaway more, me or him.  I don't think it's fair to play that comparison game.  I'm home with two little kids all day while he's away working really hard & long hours.  Most days we are so exhausted, we say a few words and zone out in front of the tv or he plays some video games & I read, or blog or whatever.  

It's life and it's a bit of a rat race at times; we can become very robotic, usually because we are on strict routines, schedules, deadlines, meetings, appointments, you name it.  But to breakaway and become just "Jenn & Joe" is something we need because to have these amazing little moments tucked into my memory, is something that I will think about when I'm lonely and he's working 19 days straight for his tent sale.  

I wanted to stop by the land on the way home and I'm glad that I did.  I now have a new photo of the sun starting to set, on a place where we will make so many more beautiful memories together.  


I'm not exactly sure how we got so lucky to find each other, but I am so happy we did.  I feel as though I have everything I have ever wanted and needed, and I cannot stop dreaming about all of the fun we have to look forward to with our lives.


When you work as hard as we do, you truly enjoy the time when you get to play.


Thursday, May 19, 2016

I confess...

...I totally just packed the kids up and headed to Starbucks. In my defense, I was out of my low fat vanilla soy milk and couldn't make my own latte.  I did however, go back to the OG and get my grande vanilla soy latte---WOW!  I can't believe how strong the espresso tasted after about a month hiatus! Crazy.

...I am dreaming of some amazing QT with my groom.  I am talking about breakfast, lunches, dinners just us, not worrying about whether someone is drinking enough of her water, or if someone else is eating enough of his veggies.  To sit in absolute silence, or to talk and discuss big dreams.  To rap along to the dirtiest of hip hop music, and laugh because we can.  Kid free time is much needed!

...I ate three pieces of cheese pizza last night for dinner, and even though I did a quick arm/ab workout and a a 20 minute walk with the kids, I still jumped on the elliptical last night.  Felt damn good!

...I am going to write a post about how social media is causing depression/anxiety/unhappiness.  The more I stay away and do "other activities" the happier I've become. No joke.

...Bradley is the funniest little boy I have ever met. He keeps doing this side dance and booty goes round--I die.

...I can almost not see the parking lot behind our house and I kinda love it.  

...the triangle pavé ear climbers are back and EVERYONE wants them! They sold out so fast last time, I didn't get a pair, don't delay!!

...I love goat cheese, but not so much on the morning eggs---I prefer my feta.  Sorry Nikki!! 

...I'm finding it hard to believe that it's the end of May and that Memorial Day is next weekend. I need to finish mulching and grab some flowers asap!!

...I am shocked at how many people reached out to me after my post on Tuesday.  I never know what may strike a chord with someone, as I write really just for me...(selfishly) but I am so moved when others find comfort or familiarity with my words.  I like that a lot.

...Father's Day is around the corner, I have NO clue what to get my dad! He owns a hardware/lumberyard and is probably the hardest man to buy for on the face of the earth. I wish I could buy him time, so that he could just spend it with his grandkids and not worry about working.

...Parenting is no joke.  (obvi) Joe and I were discussing how "easy" we have it, with me being home 24/7 and his hard work ethic, allowing us to live this way--and yet we still have struggles, challenges and worries about our kids.  I take my job as a momma very (too) seriously at times and I just want both of them to be totally fine and have no issues ever. . . I may be referring to some potty training related issues, but I don't going too public about that with my babes. 

...I'm excited for my grandma to meet our kids!  Both of my other grandparents have passed before they got to meet them, so it will be very special for me.

...I keep seeing 11:11 a lot lately, I mean pretty much twice daily. I love this interpretation here: 

In my opinion and what resonates with me, is that when you see ‘11:11’ whether on a clock, a license plate, your bank statement or wherever you happen to see it, is like a friendly little sign from your soul, source, higher-self, or the entire Universe, whatever you choose to call it, God, if you will, that everything is in alignment and you are exactly where you need to be, right here, right now.  (Source)

...I really do feel like I am exactly where I need to be lately and there is NO freer feeling that just that.  To not feel like I am supposed to be doing this, that or the other thing.  To feel completely at ease, almost blissful in this chaotic world that spins around me.  I do not wish for anything more, I am simply surrounded by beauty, abundance and am happy---from the inside out.  Isn't that what we all strive to feel or be?  I don't know how long this feeling will last, but I am soaking up every lovin minute of it. 


Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Currently


Watching Scandal.  I finally got caught up and I'm all like--whaaaa whaaaa?! Oliva Pope.  That apple did not fall far from the tree! I cannot believe she won't just go face the sun with Jake dammit!!!

Reading I finished The Nest, Girl on a Train, and just began Me Before You. 

Packing for Toronto.  It's always a bit of a process getting all of us all packed up and settled.  I worry about silly little details and last time almost forgot to bring the dog to my sister's. I need to make a list.

Cooking whatever is in the cupboards.  I need to do this more often. It's nice to go through and sort out what is expired (ew) and use up what we have.  Otherwise it's autopilot to the grocery store and buying more stuff.   Fish sticks for dinner, okay honey? 

Loving the sunshine.  It's so nice to take the kids out and play in the sandbox, on the grass, on the back deck, anywhere but in the house!

Disliking rude relatives.

Listening I'm loving these dance songs.  Jt brings a smile to anyone's face and I'm loving the Caribbean feel of Drake's One Dance.






Workouts I've done some barre legs, piyo and today I'm hoping to do my arms. Maybe a TIU workout is in order. Love those girls!

Dreaming up our home!  Hubby met with our builder and we have some action steps to take with our land!  I'm so stinking excited.

Planning June is almost here and the crazy that is!! I'm hoping to set up some fun play dates with friends so the tent sale doesn't drag on and we don't get too lonely without daddy for a few weeks while he makes that money.

Drinking my monthly Club W wine shipment!  I love that I can pick out 4 bottles, get free shipping and they arrive at my door.  You can earn referral credits, review wine and get credits and the wine is actually really good!

Enjoying time with my kids.  I feel like for awhile I felt a little lost, or like I should be doing more.  More of what I never really knew, but right now I'm really just into being mommy.  I know I only have the Summer left with Brooke home like this all the time, and pre-school will start (which will be wonderful for all of us!) but I'm soaking it all in.

Excited for Summer.  That said, I have so many ideas for us to do!  The house may be hard to keep clean, because I want to get out and explore when the weather gets hot! I want to find more nature hikes, playgrounds, beaches, you name it! How many spray parks can we hit up?  Can we make new friends with a pool? hehe  

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Let it Go

My husband told me to be like Elsa yesterday, as I rattled off a bunch of things that frustrate me, trouble my mind and make me feel ill at ease.  I've been feeling rather good lately, but whether it's just that time of month, certain factors in our lives, the weather, or whatever I want to use to blame...

I sometimes just get a little "up in my head" and I really don't like it.  I realize it's been a few days since I've listened to my positive motivation audiobooks, and I truly believe that may be why.  It's like anything else in life; I can't carry on eating burgers in fries, if I want to stay in good shape.  Same goes for my emotional and mental well-being.

The thing I struggle with the most is caring what others think.  I worry about everyone's feelings, how they may be affected by certain situations.  It's hard to make everyone happy--it's actually downright quite impossible.  

I can say that as the kids get older and our responsibility continues to grow, it's becoming harder and harder to tow the line of "doing what's right" vs "doing what's right for me/my family."

I don't know why I crave balance so much, but with Joe's crazy work schedule, not many people can relate to how little time we have to work with, and with building a new home on the horizon, a lot of things are definitely going to be shifting, changing, and hopefully our friends and family can be understanding.  While Joe has never been one to just lounge around and be lazy, (neither of us actually) I know that in the upcoming year, between his work schedule and us working on the land, it's sure to be intense!

Since I can't make others understand what it takes to make our little family function happy & healthy, I know that playing a victim is not an option.

I stumbled across a powerful little video (reminder) via Facebook this morning.  I follow the "Power of Positivity" page and truly needed to let these soak in...

10 Things to let go of to be happy:

1.) Let go of toxic people in your life.

2.)  Let go of regretting past mistakes.

3.)  Let go of the need to be right.

4.)  Let go of feeling sorry for yourself

5.) Let go of negative self talk

6.)  Let go of the need to impress others.

7.)  Let go of limiting beliefs.

8.)  Let go of the need to please everyone

9.)  Let go of gossip and complaining

10.)  Let go of worrying about the future


Wow.  Can I just say that some of those hit me right smack in the middle of my head! I don't know why I allow myself to care so much about things that I have absolutely no control over.  I once thought it was a gift, to be so compassionate.  But as I've learned through my 34 years, there is only so much I can give, and sometimes I need to pick and choose where I exert my energy.  Right now it's mostly going to these two little curly haired babes that I brought into this world.

Last night, as the clock neared bedtime, Bradley was in a funk.  He was fussy and just not feeling it. I was finally showering at 6pm and he stood outside the shower door and cried the whole entire time.  I felt awful, skipped shaving my legs (again) and thought he wanted an early bed time.

As I got his last sippy cup ready, changed him and laid him in bed, a huge part of me wanted to rock him, but he was so worked up I thought perhaps just laying him down would be best.  So I laid him down, he drank his cup and to my surprise did not fall right to sleep.

He sat and talked, cooed, and giggled and finally laid down. A few minutes later I heard his cry, and as his momma, I know his cries. This was an "in-pain" cry so I rushed in and his foot was caught in his crib slats.  I of course picked him right up, snuggled him and rocked him for a little while and it was just what I needed.  I'm sure he needed it too, but to rock him in his chair, that I haven't sat in for quite some time, well, it just turned me into a big old pile of mush.

I thought about all that Joe and I have created, accomplished and continue to still do.  We dream big dreams and we make them happen.  I know along the way there will be haters, or simply people who don't understand.  There are going to be others who think we should just be fine with what we have, what we do, where we're at.  And that's fine for some people, but what's wrong with wanting a little more?  Pushing ourselves daily and continuously to live a life we are both happy with and proud of.

As Joe got home last night around 9:30, we sat on the couch and ate dinner and briefly spoke of this.  I giggled and said how I too pushed myself that day because I wanted so badly to stay in my bathrobe, lay in bed and listen to the rest of my audiobook.  But I knew he deserved a nice warm, freshly cooked dinner.  He deserved a smiling wife at the door, greeting him after a 13 hour work day.  He deserved his partner to discuss the day's happenings and laughing with me over all the silly snapchats from the day.

We work extremely hard for our happiness, our family, and the life we live.  I don't feel the need to document it and shout out it out upon the rooftop, but I do know what we have is real and it's different.  It's not always picture perfect, but it's perfect to us.

And anyone who doesn't understand, or doesn't care to understand us?

Not. My. Problem.

I may have to play that little top 10 video all day and focus on not caring, pleasing and focusing on others' thoughts, opinions, because man---that just drains me.

How do you 'get out of your head'?  Is there something that helps you stay motivated and not worrying about others' so much?  Is it simply just a switch?