Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Bigger Picture

While I never would have predicted that I'd be a product of a divorced family, the truth is, I am.  My parents were married twenty-some years before they decided to part ways.  While it was hard to go through that in my early twenties, I can only imagine what it would be like to be a little kid.  So now that they've been apart for close to a decade, I only ask one question. 

When does it get easier on me?

I've beyond "fully accepted" my step-mom and step-brother.  It was never a question, and I've welcomed them into my 'family' with open arms, and into my heart.  I cannot imagine my life without them; I love them to pieces and it feels so very right that we are all so close.  Since my step-mom is a little on the younger side, she's truly been more of a friend than anything.  She's someone whom I have grown very close to, believe that I have a close connection with and of course am overly happy that she makes my dad happy.  But nothing replaces your mom, let's face it. The woman who birthed, raised, and cared for you even when you argue, is a part of who you are and forever will be.  Good, bad, indifferent, your mom is always your mom. 

I just cannot seem to manage keeping all parties happy, 24/7 and now that I have my own daughter, quite frankly I'm tired of trying!!

I just want people to get along, be civil, act like adults.   My biggest fear is having stress and ill-feelings hovering over my daughter's head.  She has THREE grandmas.  OK, well, two 'Grandmas' and a "Nana" but three woman who love her unconditionally; with great big hearts and all three have such different lessons to teach my girl. 

I've mentioned briefly before that my mom and I have had our share of issues.  To be blunt, she didn't come to my wedding.  She wasn't in a great place at the time, it is what it is, we've discussed it, cried over it, and chose to move on.  I worked very hard on myself to get back to healthy, positive place with her, and I am proud of where we are at.  After that she moved down to South Carolina and has remained there...but I honestly do hope she moves back here to NY.  I miss her.  Joe misses her. Brooke needs her.  Just as she needs Joe's mom and my step-mom.  What will happen then?

The tangled web woven because of divorce just sucks.  There's no way denying how messy it can be. But once it's finalized, and both people have gone along their merry way, can't we just keep the peace?

Now that I am a mother, I will say that I can't imagine anyone else trying to parent my child.  That is why I will always put my husband first and take care of our relationship, so that it always remains healthy, strong, and loving.  Brooke won't have to deal with this divorce drama; Joe and I took that vow very seriously almost three years ago.  But I'm not everyone, so when I'm just stuck in the middle of a divorced set of parents, what's a girl to do?  And I'm talking like, 'parents don't want to be in the same room' type of divorce. 

If your parents are divorced, and don't get along, what are you to do?  Throw two birthday parties for your kid?  What happens after dance recitals and you have people back to the house?  Soccer games? What do you do for holidays?  At what point do all parents just learn to behave?

I'm not perfect, I know.  But my heart is huge and I have enough room to love everyone in my life.  I just feel as though sometimes I am punished because I have so many people who "love me."  I also feel that technology makes everything so much harder.  Instagram, Facebook, Vine, this blog...I LOVE sharing special moments of my life {and especially now my little girl} but someone is always hurt. Someone is always feeling left out.  I feel like I just can't win.  There are times where I chose not to blog about something because I don't want to hurt someone. But in the end, it's me who gets hurt because I can't share my happenings for fear of emotional upsets.

So what do I do?  Give up all of these outlets that I enjoy?  Am I the only one with crazy insignificant family drama, or does anyone else out there deal with it too?  I turn to this little space here on the internet because quite frankly, it always helps.  I know that some situations take awhile to be fixed, healed, mended...whatnot.

So that's where my mind is at, has been at and continues to be until things get resolved.  Life is so short and I really do want to make every small moment count.  I read blogs like Kelle Hampton's and everything seems so perfectly clear; ENJOY THE SMALL THINGS.  Why is it so hard for some of us to do?  There's a bigger picture out there, and right now, in my life, her name is Brooke Lynn. 

That is all.


4 comments:

  1. Everybody in my family is still married and they still get hurt if I take the kids to the park without inviting them. Or heaven help me, take one set of grandparents up on an invitation to anything! These behaviors are not caused by divorce. You have done well to get past them. These problems are theirs. One birthday party. One dance recital. Those people are trying to make you feel guilty by punishing themselves. Let it go. Incidentally, SC is stunningly relaxed and beautiful. And warm. You should go visit.

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  2. I am also the child of divorced parents. Parents who "cannot be in the same room at the same time" sort of thing. Sadly, it's been my dad's choice to not be involved in our lives and as a result, he chose not to attend my recent wedding because I didn't want his wife to be there (she has spoken too many lies about my sister and I for me to ever want to have a relationship with her). I fortunately do not have my own children to worry about, but my step-daughters have never met my dad (they've seen him 1 time across the room, he chose not to even say hi). It's hard to make everyone happy. I remember feeling like I was always juggling family events as a teenager and honestly, life has gotten easier since I don't have to do that. I don't think there is one right answer to handling family dynamics. You just have to do what is right for YOU and your new little family and everyone else either accepts it and gets along, or they go their own way. *hugs*

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  3. I can't imagine this girl. I know it must be hard to feel pulled in all different directions. I don't have any advice but just know that Brookie has a lot of people who love her and two amazing parents. That's what's most important! I'm here if you need to vent!!

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