Highs and Lows

Looking down at my paint chipped nails, I can't help but wonder when I'll put a pretty new coat of a pastel color I have sitting in my drawer.  Pretty nails aren't really a necessity now...funny how a year ago my two week acrylic french tips were one of my top priorities.  Now I'm more concerned with how many poops has the baby had per day and when will I shower?  And after said shower, will I have enough time for makeup, or should I just not bother?

I didn't understand the importance of a hot shower for moms prior to being one. I'd read other blog posts about how amazing it was to just shower, maybe with a glass of wine in there too!! Now I get it.  A really luxurious shower consists of no crying baby and enough time to shave your legs and let the hot water run over your head, shoulders, back...you turn the water just a little too hot, to the point where you can barely stand it and you just lean forward a bit; placing your palms of your hands on the shower stall and let the water beat down on you, while stretching out your back and neck muscles which are always a little too tight from all the mommy work you've been doing.

How about a bubble bath?  I have an amazing bottle of bubble bath that appears to be in a wine bottle I received from a girlfriend in 2010: it was a wedding gift.   She told me to take time for myself and enjoy a bath.  The only bath I've had since then was right before I gave birth; my body hurt so much that I ran a warm bath to just soak a few minutes, but a beached whale doesn't fit well into a tub, lemme tell you!  The other bath was a "sitz bath" and well, while it helped my stitches down yonder feel better, it certainly didn't make me feel girlie and rejuvenated.  I used to think I was wasting time or being selfish if I took a bath...

I need to take that damn bubble bath. Why is it so hard?

How do you spend your "me" time as a mommy?  How much time do you allow yourself? Per day? Per hour?

Yoga? Jillian Michaels?  Pedicure?  Target trip sans baby?  Sleep?

I feel like after I take care of everyone and everything else, I don't even know what to do for myself, or even how much time is enough? Too much?

It's crazy how quickly life changes.  How long does it take to feel like you can juggle all the balls in your court?  I look back at three months ago and how clueless I was about what to do with a newborn! I mean, yes, a lot of it comes innately, but man there were moments I was like, what the heck do I do??

I have to look back and be proud. Like every other mother out there, I did it.  I survived childbirth and learned how to successfully breastfeed.  I figured out how to swaddle and soothe and still find a little time for me and time for my husband.  It takes a lot of planning and help from family and friends, but we did it.

The latest challenge was being sick; I haven't been sick in loooooong time, so this really sucks. I'm a total baby when I'm sick, so throw in a husband, two dogs and now a newborn, it is no fun!! On top of it, the Dr tells me that it's viral, it normally takes 10-14 days to get out of your system, and if you're breastfeeding, you're basically giving away all your immunity.  {Which is awesome on one hand, baby girl is as healthy as can be, but I'm still fighting off this hellish bug 3 weeks later.}

Let me just say, waking up for a 4am feeding and getting your baby back to sleep 4 different times, only to awaken her by hacking up your lung, is just awful. I felt so bad! She's such a sweet angel, she'd just stare back up at me, spit her pacifier out and smile as if to say, "OK mommy, let's just get up and play!"

I can't help but wonder, but what happens when there are two kids? Three?  I used to say I wanted 4...

I guess it's like anything and you make it work, you figure it out and just do it.  I know that it's mostly all about attitude as well.  You have to stay positive and look at the bright side of things, and it can be so damn hard when you've got a few things {especially health-wise} bringing you down.

I know that I married the right man; he continues to prove that to me time and time again.  Last night after he got home from working [8:30am-8:30pm] the baby was crying up in her crib after I already put her down, the dog was whining to go outside and the pasta was getting cold on the stove.

He took care of Brooke, brought her down and placed her in the swing oh that magical swing!  and she fell right to sleep.  The dog came back in, muddy paws wiped off and we finally sat down to some Portobella and Cream Sauce Fettuccine with some oven roasted lemon/olive oil asparagus.  He told me about his day, and all of a sudden all was right in the world.  Just the two of us, sitting, talking, listening. No TV. No phones. No computers.  I think the best part of marriage is when your other half really truly understands you and teaches you something.  He makes me want to be a better person and offers ways to make that happen.  He said that it seems like I'm in a bit of a rut, which I agree.  He explained that even he gets into work ruts, it's natural.  Being sick, having this horrible constant ringing in my left ear, falling behind on housework, a somewhat fussy/teething baby, not having energy or feeling well to work out, just constantly feeling awful can do that to a person!  Well, my dear husband the eternal optimist says to me, "You should be excited that you're in a rut.  It means you're on the brink of an amazing time.  Two steps forward, one step back.  So just know that something awesome is going to happen soon.   You're going to be even better than you are today."

I don't know why, but just hearing him say that made me start to feel better.  I know I can be hard on myself, being type A and wanting perfection {or as close as I can get} in everything I do. I've even written about it last year [here] I just feel so much better writing it all out.  My blog isn't a place where I tend to complain or mope, and I certainly try to keep things upbeat and positive, but I'm also a real person.  Someone who sometimes just can't get her sh*t together as much as I try!

So I suppose my thoughts to you readers, is that maybe if you too are in a little rut, just keep pushing on...something wonderful may be on your horizon!  That's what I'll keep telling myself.  Well, that and I'll keep dreaming of a tropical island with sandy beaches and pretty turquoise water.  This too shall pass.