Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Victor vs. Victim

I've been thinking of this a lot.  It's something that is so easy to fall prey to, and yet so easy to not do as well.

When I met my husband, I'll 110% admit I played the "poor me" card far too many times.  It was just the way I was, I'd say.  I was more of "realist" aka glass half empty.  I so badly wanted to be optimistic, but it was so, SO easy to blame others for things.  I learned a lot from Joe in 2008; but most importantly?  I continue to learn, grow and change.  The "way that I was" is so different than who I've become.

A victim will blame others or his/her situation at hand.  It's never this person's fault. There's a reason, excuse, or answer to everything.

A victor will take responsibility.  She will say she's sorry, admit she's wrong, and change.  Period. End of story.

Joe once said to me, the (excuse my language) "Asshole Theory."   I looked at hime like, excuse me?!

He explained, if everyone around you is making you angry, frustrated or being an a-hole, maybe you need to stop and check yourself.

--me staring blankly--

It may very well be you that has the problem.  Maybe your attitude is the problem.  Perhaps it's nothing more than you're stuck in your own head and not realizing what's really going on.


Can't say I ever forgot that conversation.  And oh, how true it is!! Now I can check in with myself and have that talk before I make a really clown out of myself, but man...how powerful is that?

I may not be able to control my situations, but I can control how I react to them.

Sometimes I should breathe in and out 50 times before I respond to a text message.

Maybe I should walk away from the e-mail before I fire back something awful.

Now, I'm not saying if something terrible happens, I don't have the right to be upset--I do.  It's just owning the situation and being able to move past it.  Like I said, it's not easy, but once I'm able to forgive, move on and live my life--life is so much more enjoyable!

There are so many events or happenings in my life where I catch myself starting to fall down the trap.  I also have learned that I sometimes may not understand why something is the way it is, or why it happened, but to just move on from it and not dwell.

Adults tend to waste a lot of our time worrying or digging up old garbage--in our minds.  What you focus on, increases...I firmly believe this!! If I were to sit around and say, "I don't ever want to become an unhealthy size.  I don't want my husband to cheat on me.  I don't want my kids to grow up 'bad'." Then that is what most likely will happen.

Why?  I'm putting that out into the universe.   If that is what is running through my mind, that is what I'll believe and therefore that is what I will become.

That simple guys.

Instead I focus on being a healthy person. I tell myself I'm strong and healthy.  I use positive words when it comes to my marriage and focus only on our happiness.  With my kids I will continue to nourish them with affirmations and provide the best scenarios that I can.

While I know some things are out of my control, I can work on what is coming out of my mouth and most importantly what's happening in my mind.

"The only thing we have complete control over is our own mental attitude."

I didn't say it was easy, but I will say that the more I discipline myself and continue to feed my mind with powerful words, and fill my world with positive people, the less stress and negativity impacts my life.  In turn, I feel better and more productive.  My relationships that matter are stronger and my loved ones and friendships come naturally, almost effortlessly.  I say almost, because as we all know, every and any relationship takes work.

Will you be a victim or a victor of your own circumstances?

[I have quoted several self-improvement books throughout this, but I cannot remember exactly where they've all come from!  I swear after awhile, I realize they're all saying the same thing, just a little differently.]

1 comment:

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