Mama Thoughts

Am I doing enough?  Am I doing it right?  Is she happy? Is she eating enough?  Did she eat too much? Is she pooping normal?  What is normal poop anyway?  I should have breastfed longer. I should have started milk sooner. I should have co-slept.  I should sing to her more often. I should let her play with the dogs. I shouldn't let her play with the dogs.  I should carry her more.  I need to read more books.  I need to make more food from scratch.  I need to take her out and about and socialize more.  I need her to see her grandparents, great-grandma and other family members more.  I need to sing more. I need to let the dishes go and just play more often. I need to keep up with her laundry.  I should be signing with her more often. I should work on speech with her.  I shouldn't have let her had that chocolate.   I should have let her try a little more. . .

Holy. Cow.

Ladies.

Mamas.

Mamas to be.

Mamas who aren't ready to be mamas.

Mamas who want to be a mama but aren't quite there yet.

Wow.

Never in a million years did I think that being a mama would change me, the way this little girl has rocked my world.  She is such a blessing; every morning I smile back her her little grin as she says, "Hieeeeeee" and I thank my lucky stars for her.  At night, I put her to bed, or even at nap time, we blow kisses and wave 'bye bye.'  I kiss her stinky little feet. I tickle her round tummy.  We rub noses and give Eskimo kisses.  We dance. We hug.  We sing. We laugh.

We cry.

I know there is no such thing is perfect, but man…all you want is your child healthy, happy, and well.  Right?  Some days seem harder than others.  If it's not a diaper rash, it's explosive diarrhea, or her sucking her thumb and scratching her nose.  Or it's falling.  Or it's a bloody lip.  It's the cry I hear because she doesn't want to go down or her nap, even though she can't keep her eyes open.

But some days are a never-ending series of small problems that seem to build up and up and up...

***

I began writing this post Monday night [2.3].  Come Tuesday, I once again realized I am not alone. Two of my favorite mommy bloggers posted about being a mom.

You have to wonder, is it something in the air that makes us want to get this off our chest? This overwhelming feeling of motherhood that consumes us.

**

It is now Monday February 10th and my sweet little baby is sick.  A congested cough. A slight fever. Enough to make mama worry though!  I thank God she is so healthy, but no one wants to see her little one feeling ill, even in the slightest bit.

So to answer myself today, yes Jennifer you are doing enough.   You wake up each morning and give that little girl everything you've got, even if you don't feel like you have much to give.  You're teaching her to be a little girl.  Which will one day be, a woman.  You're teaching her patience, kindness, compassion and strength.  You're teaching her how important it is to be happy. To marry for love.  To believe and have faith in things no matter what.  That family is most important.

You teach her it's ok to cry when you're hurt.  You continue to show her that she comes from a long line of women (on all sides of the family) who are strong and independent.

You are her mother; the only mother she will ever have.  And that in and of itself, is something so beautiful.  So be nice to yourself Jenn!! It's ok the dishes pile up sometimes and that the dog hair clumps into Holly size balls of fur.  It's ok that you had pajama day and allowed her to get pasta sauce everywhere--even in her ear.

And I'm reminding you mamas who are reading, you too are DOING SO GREAT!  It's hard not to hear it all of the time, but we all need to know.  If you're doing you're best then good for you.  Each of us is only doing what we know and believe is best.  We are not perfect. We yell. We pout. We stomp.  We sigh.  We snap.  We apologize. We smile. We hug. We play.  We are all human and we ALL have room to grow.

Surround yourselves by other empowering mommas.  The ones who lift you up and brush you off when you're having a bad day and that salute you when you're on top of your game.

Never stop loving, growing, learning, and living.  There's so much to still see!

OK, after nap time it is.