I know it's not New Years, but man…is anyone else feeling like you're on the brink of a new discovery?? I tried to explain to my husband last night, driving home from his haircut. You see, we basically took a family field trip in the 'burban with him, just to spend some extra moments together. He has another tent sale this week/end, and his birthday is Friday. I already miss him and try not to stress about being alone with the kids, but I digress…
So we were driving, and I said to him that I feel like a little chick just starting to poke her beak through an eggshell. I feel like I've been in a bit of a fog and I don't really feel like going into all the details of it quite yet, but right now? Today? Yesterday? Monday? I FEEL GREAT.
I've started reaching out to mommy friends, putting myself out there and just being me. I don't know where I've been exactly, but I feel like I really try to reflect on life and when I started to think of WHY I started blogging, I realized I wasn't really doing what I loved with it.
I also sat and asked myself, Jenn. If someone said to you, "What do you love to do? Besides being a wife/mom…what is it that Jenn loves?"
Well, my answer wouldn't have been anything that I was focusing my time on. I guess I have sort've had an epiphany, and I believe that the universe is strong, and powerful and will send you messages, but only if you're open to accept them.
I love dancing. I love reading. I love writing. I love blogging. Working out--I love/hate. More than anything? I love other people! I love getting to know other women and learning from them. I love spending time with my kids, don't get me wrong, but I guess I felt like there was this void I was trying to stuff and fill, and really--there's nothing to stuff. I just have to relax, breathe, and live more naturally.
Sure, I have a few belly rolls I want to lose and some arms/legs/booty that need to be toning. But I am healthy and well, and my goodness, my day is busy and filled with chasing a crawling baby and an energetic and very smart toddler!
So I've been reading, listening, talking, and just being. Constantly learning. Never do I ever stop learning. Or thinking. I try to stop thinking sometimes, but until you figure something out, you tend to just dwell. What I've discovered is that I am missing some big women in my life; some I can't get back [RIP Grandma Bliss…I think of you this time of year, so so much. In every leaf that falls, memories of us pressing wax paper together, walks in the woods and silly songs and many many hidden gum drops. If only little Brooke could experience that with you!! Love you so much.] Grandma Owl-- I know you read this silly blog, and know how much I miss our bowling dates on Saturdays, with yummy fries and LOTS of ketchup. You taught me to sip English tea with the best, and that traveling is so important. There is so much to see out there! Mom -- if this flooding isn't a sign I don't know what is. Through everything we've gone through, you've always been a great mom. I miss you… And Mama D…I love you and miss you so much. I know when the time is right, we will reunite.
Don't get me wrong…my friendships close, near, far, and my sister and step mom are wonderful, but I just feel incomplete in some ways. I couldn't be more thankful for all that my step mom does for me and my family. She is literally the backbone, or matriarch of our family right now. I literally have no one else at times and that is a huge responsibility. And silly though it sounds, I met a new mommy friend at a park on Monday. We even exchanged numbers! Her husband owns a coffee shop, she has a daughter who is 2.5 and is a month out from having a baby boy! Tell me that's not awesome?!
So after going back and forth and wondering what the hell is my purpose here on earth, why do I feel like I should go back to work, why am I longing for something? It's all kind of clicking and working itself out, like it always does. When you force things, they never seem right. When you open up and allow your dreams to flow, it's amazing at the circumstances that come through.
Wow. If you're still reading, thanks!! So to be totally honest, I was just going to share a few photos and my excitement for my new phone--holla!! Excuse my not showered, no makeup look…#hotness
But I clearly had something to get off my chest…again…I just love writing. And these two?! It's an all day every day game of let's trash the house so mommy has something to do! But really, how can I mind when they are so cute?! He is starting to really grow and climb all over his sissy. I can't stand it! Ok, I can, but baby boy, I fear your baby days are slipping away faster than I could ever have imagined.
I've been upping my workouts/moving. Thanks to a sweet friend Lindsay, she's doing #32octstrollermiles It sounded doable and as much as I would love to be a runner? These two in our beastly non jogging stroller, a walk is suffice to me. Plus Brooke gets out and plays a lot, walks, grabs sticks…so we take our time and enjoy the Fall.
So there you have it. I'm back, and excited for all that is to come. Rejuvenated with a fresh air about me, that I wasn't sure I would find again! But for the love of all things, just follow your heart and find what makes you happy and whole. And stop trying to be something you are not. I think one of the best advice I heard yesterday on a Laura Vitale vlog-- do what is best for you. She was talking about weight and how she works out every day, but she will never have Katy Perry's body or a VS model, but that she is okay with that because she isn't a model or a singer. She is actually a cook and in great shape for all the cooking and testing she does!! And it hit me hard when I heard that. It's so easy to troll instagram and FB and compare, compare, compare. But we are just one person with 24 hours in a day…and we all have different things that make us happy and that we have to just pick a few things and focus on them. It's okay to try on different hats, but sometimes, a certain hat just isn't for you.
Blogging makes me happy…so blog I shall.
Happy Hump day friends!!