Monday, October 17, 2016

7 Lessons I've Learned this Past Year

2015 was a huge year as we welcomed our second baby, our son, in mid January.  I think it's safe to say that once you have children, you really come into your own.  The whole flight or fight thing happens and with no instruction book, here we are to raise amazing human beings, in hopes that one day they too will make a positive impact in the world.

I have got to say 2016 has been the hardest year I've had in a long time.  Between my sister and family drama, there are many reasons why I could be bitter and angry pretty much 100% off the time.  I don't ever claim to be perfect, but I am so proud of where I'm at in my life.  I know I have more to learn, grow and become, but every once in awhile you have got to look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, you're doing awesome!

1.  No one is coming.  We currently have zero parents who can just come over and watch the kids. {granted my mother flies up from SC, but it's not like she can pop over real quick so I can run to the dentist.}  I'm not getting into the details, but I have learned that once again, you only have yourself to rely on.  It's taught me time and time again at the kind of parent I'll be to my adult children and how selfish some people can truly be.   I never realized how lonely or isolated motherhood could be, and that is probably the most surprising part of this journey thus far.  I had visions of my sisters having kids and my parents always being around and that I'd be really close to my husband's family.  Well none if that is currently happening, but it doesn't give me the right to sit around and sulk.  I've had my fair share of pity parties and guess what? Feeling sorry for myself doesn't make people magically change or appear in our lives! I have lots to be grateful for and I just keep doing my thing. I'm an amazing mom, and if you're reading this as a fellow momma, you too are amazing.  Keep doing your momma thing and stay strong.  The days are long but man, these years are really short!

2.  Health has got to remain top priority.  With Joe's Crohn's, we've always taking things pretty seriously here in the health department.  It makes me acutely aware of what we put into our bodies and how we feel.  I've been dealing with Reflux this past year and I've made pretty big changes as far as what I can eat/drink and how my body responds to things.  When you're not feeling well, it makes everything hard.  Listen to your body, talk to doctors or healing specialists and do your own research.  I don't have a cure for Joe or myself but we find ways to help ourselves feel better.  Eat clean: aka no processed or packaged food.  Drink half of your body weight in water.  Take the probiotics. Limit the sugar and alcohol.  Eat more greens. Get outside and walk.  Sit in the Sun. Breathe!

3. "Me Days" are essential.  I look back at when I would never take a break from the kids and allow myself some time for me and I easily saw how lost I was getting.  I used to think maybe I wasn't a good mom if I took some time for myself, but I realize how much better of a mom I am when I just get a few minutes to breathe, eat, and use a bathroom in peace! (TMI but really, moms of littles are never alone!)  Don't have family? Build a babysitter into your budget.  Somedays I will just need 4 hour window; enough for an acupuncture appointment, a Starbucks latte, grocery tip alone & grabbing the dry cleaning.  Others I may need a whole day, including a spa! I stopped feeling bad about these moments and use them as fuel.  In order to sacrifice myself the remainder of my time, I need a little bit of time for me.  Also? My kids will grow up one day and leave our house; shocking I know.  I don't want to be that lost parent who has no idea what to do with herself because all she did was raise kids.

4.  Go on love trips! I don't care if it's just one night at a little motel or a whole weekend away in a bigger city.  When you have young kids, it is VITAL to getaway from them and be with your best friend, spouse, lover.  You will feel refreshed (you probably got to sleep in!) and rejuvenated. We were able to sneak away to Toronto for a weekend and will be going to Vegas soon.  Looking forward to that one!  You should put your husband or wife in front of your kids from time to time. Those kids will take every last ounce of energy from you both; don't forget that you chose to be with your spouse.  Don't lose sight of what that meant to you both; why you got married, what your dreams and goals were prior to having babies.  It's all still very relevant and important.  I personally think anniversaries are a great way to reconnect. Even if you can't leave the kids, while they go down to nap or after they go to bed, pull out photos or videos of your special day.  Re-kindle those moments and how special it was! We were able to go back to where we got married this year and that was super emotional for me; I couldn't believe all that we have accomplished in the last 6 years.

5.  Believe.   Whether it's staying hopeful about a bad situation or just believing in yourself and whatever it is you're doing.  The more confidence you have here, the better of you'll be.  As soon as negative thoughts creep in, shut them out!  You can control your own mind.  I think if more people practiced that, we'd be a happier society.  I get that it's not all cotton candy and rainbows, but really there is no need to dwell on what could go wrong or worry about things that have not happened.  Believe in yourself, believe in God (or some higher power) and believe that all things are possible.  I really can't stress how much better life is when I believe in myself.  Sometimes I find myself having to "fake it til I make it" meaning I feel like I have no real clue what I'm doing, but doing is better than not doing and believing in whatever I have going on is key!`

6.  Stop comparing myself to others.  I need to remind myself of this one pretty much weekly.  I made a video about raising my vibration and I tell ya, this comparison thing hits home with a lot of people. It's so easy to feel great about our life and whatever we have...and then we go on social media and see how other people live.  Jealousy, insecurities, wanting what they's terrible! It all comes back to our minds and how we handle it, but it's something that can really make you miserable if you don't keep it in check.  While I am always happy for other's happiness, and I know how hard people work to achieve success, it's not okay that I allow their highlight reel to steel my joy.  And that my friends is all on me.  I heard a quote the other day, I forget where, but it was "Your ordinary is someone else's extraordinary."  Wow.  I let that one sink it and it humbled me.  The grass will always be greener, but stop looking at it!! Your own grass is pretty darn green too.  You just need to put yourself in the right mindset.

7.  Enjoy the now.  It's okay to look back and to look ahead, but if you're not living in the moment and enjoying what life is giving you, you'll never be happy.  Of course I miss my babies being so small and needing to be held all of the time.  I'm also super excited for when our kids are older and can run off and play while we're on a family beach vacation.  But I LOVE the crazy that is our life right now. It's trying and I'm tired as hell some days, but I so wouldn't change it for the world.  We have an almost 2 year old and an almost 4 year old.  I get a lot of "Whoa I bet you're busy!" comments wherever I go.  Truth is? Heck ya I'm busy and truth is, I don't work out as much as I should but I chase these two monkeys around so I think that helps me keep some weight off! One day I won't have breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack to prepare.  My kitchen won't always be messy and my floors won't have any crumbs.  The handprints will not be all over our windows and I know I'll miss the random toys strewn all over the floors.

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE this! I love everything about this! I wish more people would realize these things and get out of their own ways!


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